You Know You're Hungry

when cooked broccoli on tv looks appetizing.

Dear Friends Of George Bush (a.k.a. The Oil Companies)

thanks for jacking up the gas prices ($2.49/gallon), just in time for the weekend. because you know, the weekend is coming up and hell, the weather might be decent enough for the 45-minute haul to the lake for fishing. hope all that extra $$$ is making ya feel good.

I Must Be Getting Old Or Dying Or Both

because my nails are growing at an alarming rate. i swear i cut my fingernails like four days ago and had to trim them again today. i guess this will come in handy next month as i'm gonna use the spa gift certificate the adorable one bought me for chanukah. as it's right before our trip, i'm getting the eurospa mani + pedi, and a 90-minute swedish massage. if nothing else, i'm sure i'll look refreshed. and less dead. which is a good thing.

Over Rayed

remember when you were a little kid and had a bologna sandwich every day for lunch? yay, so i'm dating myself here, but it was the lunch meat of choice when i was going to grade school. naturally, by junior high, it was gauche to bring your lunch--anyone who was cool found a way to sneak off campus for fast food.

okay, i'm digressing again! the thing is, i got to a point where having a bologna sandwich was like the last thing i ever wanted. i totally overdosed on it as a youngster, and to this day, the mere thought of bologna makes my tummy twinge. with remorse, as i think i could have been a skinnier kid if i laid off lunch meat. bygones!

anyway, the way i figure it, rachel ray is the bologna of the foodnetwork.

I Would Be Remiss

if i didn't show off the adorable one's latest (yes, he put it back). catching a five-pound fish is pretty cool, so i gotta give him, as ole randy jackson would say, props dawg! (also note the stylin' seattle seahawks cap!)

Tick Tock

waiting for spring in kansas city is like wanting your favorite dessert and having an oven on the fritz. with no repair companies available and you're all set for the sugar rush that ain't coming.

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Read

It Would Have Been Enough

on the season finale of "the l word" on showtime, it would have been enough to have a happy ending. for a change. because this season and last have been torturous and uncomfortable to say the least. and we had that initial hope as the last episode reminded us of the first season--it had lotsa good feelings, humor, and everyone seemed to be getting along. but no, ilene chaiken you just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?

it just wasn't enough that you had shane leave carmen at the alter.
it wasn't enough that shane's dad turned out to be a major dick.
it wasn't enough that you've turned jenny back into a freak.
it wasn't enough that you made helena penniless.
it wasn't enough that you had bette kidnap her unadopted daughter.

no, you just had to make us feel positively and unequivocally sick by the time the show ended. i mean, what topics didn't you try to cover this season. let's review:

1. transexuality (moira, who we hated initially, turning into max, who now we like)
2. cutting (jenny being her usual victim self)
3. cancer (thanks for killing off dana)
4. attachment parenting (where someone is always holding the baby--creepy!)
5. menopaus (and now kit is pregnant--that story line worked. at least we like angus, so no doubt you will kill him off or make him a jerkweed. 'cause that's what you do.)
6. adoption with two gay parents
7. sexual harassment
8. being unemployed
9. drug use
10. the evil of steroids

it's a freaking miracle you didn't tackle world hunger or homelessness. isn't a couple issues enough for one season? so thanks to you ilene we canceled showtime and will not suffer one more episode of what you churn out and sell as entertainment. because it's not.

life is tough. we get it. we just don't have to watch it on tv.

Where We're Staying Over Our Anniversary

we booked our airline, rental car, and four days at the key west harbor inn. now, we just need may 29th to get here.

Cuz I'm Unoriginal, A Copycat & A Hack

i'm feeling uninspired due to migraine headaches all weekend (ugh!) and since no one tagged me, i'm just tagging myself based on this faux meme (what is that anyway?) on styro's site.

random favorite things fake meme:

candy bars
1. twix -- good lord, i don't know if it's the cookie or the caramel, all wrapped up in chocolate. but it's a serious addiction. i think it's a texture thing as i'm all about texture. you can read as much into that as you wanna.
2. crunch -- again, it's a texture thing. the crispiness with the chocolate is a killer combo.
3. crackle -- see above.
4. milky way -- i think anything with nougat is a good thing, yes?

shows that were on nickelodeon that year my parents had cable when i was a kid
1. well, considering my parents just got cable like two months ago for the freaking first time, i had to mooch off the kindness of friends to enjoy some of their shows post college.
2. i had a rabid addiction, as embarrassing as this is to say, to "hey dude." and wouldn't you know it, one person actually went on to become sorta famous, christine taylor (yes, she was in the new "brady bunch", "zoolander" and most recently, "dodge ball: a true underdog story. and yes, she's married to ben stiller.) i was all about the dude ranch and the horses.
3. now we enjoy "spongebob squarepants" on a regular basis.

disney cartoons
1. i think was a little too hardcore to be into disney, as i was totally into "super friends", "grape ape", "speed buggy", "hong kong phooey", "the amazing spiderman", "the new schmoo", "mighty mouse", "rocky and bullwinkle", and my all-time favorite, "scooby doo."
2. in my teen years, i watched "he-man", "transformers", "voltron", and the very awesome "g.i. joe."
3. now it's all "spongebob squarepants", all the time.
4. disney needs to get with the cartoon programming.

video games i've played
1. spongebob squarepants: the battle for bikini bottom
2. scooby doo: night of a hundred frights
3. frogger (atari and ps2)
4. pitfall (atari)
5. q-bert
6. centipede
7. asteroid
8. galaga

inventions (all-time)
1. sushi
2. central air-conditioning
3. ice cream
4. chocolate
5. pajamas

favorite office supplies:
1. neon post-it notes
2. colored paperclips
3. uni-ball gel pens
4. sharpie permanent markers
5. highlighters

So Much Fun . . . And Incredibly Addictive

Because I Feel Like Sharing

i really like tuna salad. always have. thankfully the adorable one likes it as much as me. so i make it on a weekly basis. it's not rocket science or a secret, so i thought i would share my recipe.

the princesses tuna salad:
4 to 6 2 oz. cans of solid white albacore tuna packed in water
2 to 3 tablespoons of mayonnaise (we like miracle whip, and none of that fat-free crap)
1 tablespoon of dijon mustard
2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon of dried dill weed
1 teaspoon of dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon of sea salt
1 teaspoon (or more) of freshly cracked pepper

mix it all together and season to taste--if you like more more mayonnaise or mustard, add as you see fit. i tend to really like the taste of dill in tuna salad, so i add more. likewise, the adorable one loves pepper, so i crack a ton of pepper in our salad.

other things you can add, which we also like, a wee bit of finely chopped celery and generous amounts of hard-boiled eggs. enjoy and bon appetit!

Really, What Was I Complaining About?

number of gallons: 7.4
cost per gallon: $2.37
total cost: $17.50

i would gripe, but it seems pointless. plus, i'm probably tempting the oil fate powers-that-be to jack up the prices further.

Narcissism To The Nth Degree

i'm not sure there is anyone on tv that is more narcissistic than jonathan antin on bravo tv's show "blow out." granted, i'm not helping mega-ego by talking about his show that is strangely addictive. it's like a car wreck you can't tear yourself away from. we've watched since season one and what usually cracks us up is all the crying and boo-hooing jonathan does. that and he's so obviously gay but is desperately trying to convince everyone he's straight. he's gone so far to have a girlfriend on the show and now a baby. puhlease. no straight man cries as much as he does. not every day. every episode on tv. it just doesn't happen.

and i'm not saying that gay men cry all the time--they just tend to cry more than straight men. well, how do you know this princess, you are asking. because i'm friends with lots of gay guys, who do get weepy, or at least a heckuva lot weepier than all our straight guy friends. in fact, i've only really seen the adorable one cry once and that's when we lost taylor almost two years ago. and i never, ever thought i would see the rock of my universe break down. but he did. and i think that much more of him because of it.

alright, where was i? oh yay. i've never seen anyone more into themselves. or thinking that hair is all that important. bad news, it's not. it's hair! hair is hair. it can look good. it can look bad. it can be frizzy and frazzled. and gorgeous. and lush. and soft. but in the end, it's hair.

so the best part of this diatribe? i saw a preview for an upcoming show where jonathan goes, "i'm so over myself." if only it were true dude. if only.

How Corporations Waste $$$$

we have this absolutely retarded department at our company--they serve no purpose other than to waste money and lots of it. i know this because they are situated by the group i'm in, and a couple of their personnel are located in our area, due to lack of space in their own section. one of the people is the jezus freak that i have written about previously. i've actually come to like the guy, as he is super nice. he's just always on the phone talking about his church, has his head in his hands (no joke), or is talking to another person out of the loser group.

the other guy that has been situated in our group has a cube smaller than mine, which is a matchbox and still manages to have a chair in his area. which is good because more of their group comes over on a very regular basis to supposedly pour over project details. one of the guys that visits has massively greasy hair and i had to bite my tongue because i almost had a "straight girl for the straight guy" moment. it took every fiber of willpower not to volunteer the name and phone number of our stylist. too bad i don't have this kind of resolve when it comes to eating better and exercising. bygones.

so this worthless department is only in existence because this other massive corporation that we do work with created this type of department, so we had to as well. and this department is supposed to find ways for our company to cut costs, streamline processes, and be more efficient. all i see these people do is jabber jaw, sit around their conference room (yes, they even have their own conference room), jabber jaw some more, and act like they are doing some kind of great humanitarian work.

unfortunately, i think our division president supports this group, which seems odd because he is totally about being accountable, producing results, etc. which is the opposite of this group that does nothing and has nothing to show for it. nonetheless, i'm sure they all make a boatload of cash. because i think, unless i'm mistaken, this group is a dumping ground for employees, typically mid-level manager white guys, that don't have any real projects to work on. so they make some up.

like what you ask. well, i happen to be riding in the elevator a couple weeks ago with one of the losers, and he notices that i have a fedex package. here's our conversation:

him: "how are you shipping that?"
me: "priority overnight" (interally, i'm going, "none of your fucking business, jerkweed!)
him: "why"
me: (interal sigh, again, none of your fucking business) "because the client is requesting delivery by tomorrow morning."
him: "who authorized it?"
me: "the project manager"
him: "you know, our group is analyzing how the company sends everything priority overnight."
me: "uh huh." (whatever fuckweed. leave me the fuck alone. stop talking me. and oh yay, mind your own fucking business.)

would someone please tell me why we need to analyze the fedex thing? first of all, because we are a large corporation and ship stuff left and right--it was one of the things that blew my mind when i first started is that we ship things at the drop of a hat. seriously. i can't even imagine and don't even want to know how much we actually spend on fedex. it would probably blow my mind.

here's a study i would like the losers to work on. why don't they take their combined annual salaries and correlate it to the return on investment that they actually provide? because they can't. fact is, i'm not sure what they can do . . . except waste money.

Sometimes I Wonder

if you interviewed a ton of people, how many would honestly tell you if they wanted to be famous. i bring this up as the adorable one and i watch a lot of reality tv--"survivor", "miami ink," "top chef," "american idol," "next foodnetwork star," "america's next top model," "blow out," and probably a few others i've forgotten about. the adorable one has a theory that we could put a picture of some random person on a billboard board, for a month's time, and that person would become locally known.

the adorable one is a very centered, self-assured person. he emanates inner strength because he's always known who he is. i admire him for that, as i struggled through my 20s and a good chunk of my 30s to really get a handle on me. i'm still trying to figure out why it took me so long to get my act together, but the good news is that i'm finally becoming more of the person i want to be. which i think is important.

the reason i mention the whole famous issue is because i couldn't fall asleep last night, so i got to thinking how cool it would be on the foodnetwork's "next foodnetwork star." the thing is, as i mentioned in a recent post, being a chef is a lot tougher than people think it is. and being one on tv is even more difficult, i think. there's so much that you have to be able to do at once, you have to be able to share your personality, you have to be extremely knowledgeable about food, and you have to really love cooking.

then i wondered if i made it onto the show some time in the future (like in two years, if it's still around), what would i make if they asked us to cook a signature dish. or with one particular ingredient, like a potato or a fig. and you would be amazed at how much time i spent thinking about this stuff. i began mentally running through recipes, and picturing myself julienning vegetables, and filleting a fish.

and then i realized that if i was really serious about something like becoming a chef of any kind, one that makes more than signature dishes like tunasalad sandwiches and lasagna made with store-bought sauce, that i would need to take a chance. i would need to buy a bag of onions, like our friendly chef friend suggested, and just start practicing on cutting up vegetables.

seeing that i have quite a bit of free time after work most days, in which i should really be at the gym (sigh!), maybe i should seize the day and the chef's knife and try my hand at chopping. after all, i should start small. and lord knows what i am gonna do with all the diced onions. but, everyone has to start somewhere and if this is what i want, i will have to do more than just write about it.

Might As Well

hand my checkbook over to apple now, as i'm adding nano accessories on a weekly basis. luckily, it's been relatively inexpensive so far--just some plasticky tubes/jackets (black, red, and white) to keep the thing from getting any more scratched. can't wait for the folks at apple to produce covers with spongebob squarepants and the pittsburgh steelers themes. wohoo!

here's what i'm getting this weekend since most of the music on the radio sucks and blows. the real ka-ching will come when i buy a docking station with speakers. but that's gonna take some working on and wheedling at the adorable one, who is usually very doting, especially when it comes to my ipod obsession. did i mention they have this rockin' cool alarm clock? yay, it's sweet.

anyway, the best part of having an ipod? i can tune out the world and just get into the music. and it feels good. really good.

Weeze It. Weeze It Good

i haven't been a weezer fan all that long--the first time i heard one of their songs was "island in the sun", which was wonderfully catchy and fun. then i got hooked on their "keep fishin'" video starring the adorable muppets (yes, animal is my fav).

but their best song in my humble opinion, is the recently released "this is such a pity." i listen it over and over and over and over and over. yup, it's that good. so give it a listen and lemme know what you think.

What Works

last week will did an unscientific poll about work, and in a follow-up post, he mentioned that several people aspire to be chefs. which i think is appealing . . . on the surface. everyone likes food. yes, food is good. food is yummy as long as we're not talking about lima beans, spam, okra, or rhubarb. being a chef provides great opportunity for creativity, which i think is sadly lacking in not only corporate america, and also in our daily lives. which is why so many of us blog--we need and crave that outlet, to allow the words to pour forth after being pent up all day. which may explain my tendency to ramble and go off on tangents.

having taken some introductory cooking classes over the past few years at williams-sonoma, and having gotten to know a handful of local executive chefs that run some of the best restaurants in town, i think being a chef is a terrific profession. if you like working a lot. if you've ever worked for a restaurant or a restaurant company (like me in my mid 20s), you know that restaurant folks work long hours. and while i think being a chef would be absolutely incredible, fun, exhausting, challenging, and interesting, i am not sure i'm cut out for it. because i've thought about it. hard. one of the executive chefs that we became friendly with offered to allow me to intern in his kitchen after a few culinary classes under my belt at a local community college.

and while i do think it would be a tremendous learning experience and that i would love it, i actually don't think i'm creative enough to be a top chef. which isn't to say i couldn't be a pastry chef or a sous chef or a saute chef. but i would be surprised if people that didn't go to culinary school aspire to be head chef. maybe not.

one of the other chefs we became friendly with is the head pastry chef at a trendy italian eatery. one of the things that amazed us when we first met her was not that she had left corporate america to join the culinary world. no, it was her confession that work in the restaurant, for the most part, was boring. much, i think, like some of our jobs.

a few years ago i think i was on a career track. of sorts. i was a marketing manager of a midsized, local consulting services firm. i had my own parking spot, a nice office with a door and big windows. i had a corporate credit card. but i got bored with the job and the company. the firm, with 150 employees, had 15 owners, all with their own agenda. all with ulterior motives. once we were reassigned to report to the president, i think that was the beginning of the end for me because the guy i previously reported to was simply the best supervisor i've ever worked for.

again, i'm getting off the subject. which is, what lights our fire? what would we do if we could do what we really wanted to do. i often said i wish i could run the marketing department of a film studio. but truth be told, i've been to la, i've talked to people in the movie industry, and i know it's a meat grinder. could i survive it? probably. i'm a tough cookie most days.

but after watching the premiere of the second season of foodnetwork's addictive "the next foodnetwork star" and "top chef", i think that being in charge of marketing for foodnetwork would be the sweetest gig of all.

do we ever get to do what we dream of doing? i'm not sure of that. i know a few people that have achieved their dream and i admire them greatly. i wish i could take a chance, but i'm not ready yet. but maybe someday i will.

It's The Cheesiest

thanks to the adorable one for making the mac that goes cheese. guess we'll crab rangoon it tomorrow night. now, how to get gouda into the mix . . .

Our Prayers Are With You Tuna

you can't really feel sorry for the tuna, bill parcells (head coach of the dallas cowboys for the unacquainted). the guy has won two superbowls and has made buckets of cash. but if he hasn't taken blood-pressure medication, he's gonna want to start. sadly, the team owner, jerry jones has paid the big money for the ultimate team-wrecker, terrible owens. we figure the cowboys will have a good-to-great year and then spiral out of control like last year's philadelphia eagles. all due to the poison pill that is t.o.

the hardest part about professional football, other than the short season, and the ridiculous salaries, is that professional athletes can behave like total yahoos and still get paid more money than you and i can shake a stick at. or ever see in a lifetime. or dream of making. whereas we have accountability in our jobs, to behave like professionals, those rules don't apply to people like terrible.

so good luck and best wishes tuna. we're with you in spirit. and we fully support you opening a can of whup ass on that overpaid pompass jerkweed.

Why Is It

that the chumps that pay full price for crack weekly get the issue the day it hits newstands, and me, a loyal subscriber gets it almost a week later? do the powers-that-be at cw not realize the importance i put on staying on top of the latest hollywood dish, dirt, and scoop? apparently not. bastards!

You Are Obviously A Tool

so stated by model/chef candice kumai on our new favorite reality show "top chef" to the arrogant, snotty, stuck-up sommelier stephen aspirinio. i think if you can actually get away with saying something like that to a person in the workplace and not get dinged, more power to ya. we're already rooting for tiffani to win as she's incredibly creative and has nerves of steel.

Associations

this will sound completely silly, but my ipod earphones, take every opportunity get tangled. and every morning that i dig them out of my purse, even though i've carefully placed them the night before, they are in knots. which strangely reminds me of the seaquest dsv episode where this malignant plant grows all over the ship. no, i don't know why my headphones being all twisted up cause me to have an association with a badly defunked sci-fi show. but it does illustrate the weirdness of how my mind works.

Best Movie Of The Year (So Far)

Forecast

last weekend: tornados
this weekend: rain/sleet/snow

welcome to kansas bitches.

Use Liberally. On The Bumper, Extraneous.

Opposites Work

our overseas sales guys were in town this past week and took some of our group out for lunch on wednesday, which was really nice because our company has this policy that if someone, like my boss, wants to treat our group to lunch, he has to pay for it himself. so i don't know how the vp who took us to lunch is going to expense it, but i'm digressing again.

so we finish lunch and we're heading back to the office and my boss notes what a nice day it is and says something like, "man, i could go home and do some yard work." to which i replied, "yard work? it's a perfect day to take a nap in the hammock." and then the conversation continued like this:

him: "i hate going to sleep."
me: "are you fucking kidding me? i love going to sleep."
him: "really? i can't stand going to sleep."
me: "seriously? it's the one time of the day where my brain isn't working."
him: "yay, i hate that."
me: "dude, you're a freak."

the thing is, my boss is about five years younger than me, is whip smart, laid back, and very driven. the man loves his beer, skiing, and not being lazy. which is like the opposite of me--but somehow it all works. probably because i'm so cool.

Here's A Thought

if you can't even drive the minimum speed on the highway, maybe you should take the side streets. just a suggestion.

Things That Make Me Laugh

our admin who swears and carps about always being on time and staying the full day when in reality she's anywhere between 10 and 20 minutes late every day and leaves early. the thing is, we have to badge in and out of the building, so i have no idea of who she thinks she is fooling. shoot, i feel guilty if i scoot five minutes early, even though i'm at least 20 minutes early every day.

so, i have to print out a sales kit because hey, my boss asked me to. so there are several word files and since i'm mapped to a network printer, guess what? that's what i'm gonna use. i am not psychic and have no idea of who else is printing at the same time. yay, it surprises me to that i don't have esp--quite the shocker, eh? so, imagine my surprise when our it person, who i like, gets her underwear in a wad, cause i'm printing a bunch of documents at the same as her.

well you know what? boo hoo and too bad for her. jeez, last time i checked it was a network printer. and you know what else? you can bust my balls over a bunch of stuff, but using the network printer isn't one of them. get over it.

Fuckin Hilarious

this is pee-in-your-pants worthy. cereal. thank you swirly girl!

Someone At Blogthings Is Psychic

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

'Cause No Doubt About It . . .

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you. But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft. You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily. You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

Pop!

stressed? try this. manic mode ain't bad either.

I'm Over The Hump

i wrote about it a couple days ago but the adorable one mentioned it to me again at lunch today--i'm happy. i am no longer that person at work that gossips about things i've heard. i am not in any drama or pissed off at anybody. it's like i finally found where i'm supposed to be, i'm doing good work, and i like it.

unlike the toxic waste dump, i don't dread going to work, i don't wonder if it's going to be my last day, and i don't live in a constant state of paranoia. it's taken me almost two years, yes, two years to make it to this point. there were numerous times i slide backwards and stumbled, but i finally got out of my own way and made it over the hump.

damn, it feels good.

Take This Time Change & Shove It

i know daylight saving (not savings people, saving) time is a couple weeks away, but i wanted to state it here and now that i think dst is, well, a waste of time. i get that it served a purpose at one time. but that time is over. let's move on.

the thing is, it takes my body like two to three weeks to adjust to the time change. and the older i get, the longer it takes for my body clock to catch up. i mean, i have a hard enough getting my sorry ass out of bed. with the whole spring forward thing, it's even harder. if that's possible. and i'm not really sure it is.

obviously, the smart people of hawaii, guam, puerto rico, the virgin islands, arizona, and most of the eastern portion of indiana don't put up with this nonsense. now, why the rest of the u.s. can't get on the wagon is beyond me.

i say we all balk and just keep the time the way it is. who is with me?!

I Love The Noise

that tivo makes. oh we don't have it yet. i got to use it a couple years ago while visitng my sister who lives in minnesota. and i loved it. especially the noise it makes. i can't help it. i just love it. so as soon as we get rid of showtime (next week), the phone (next month), we're getting either the digital video recorder (dvr) through time warner cable (they've got us by the balls, as there is no other cable provider in our area) or i may just convince the adorable one to go with the cool noise. wish me luck!

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

oh antwann randle el. how could you leave the world champion pittsburgh steelers? granted, you should have been named mvp of the superbowl, but the washington redskins? c'mon! you're leaving behind big ben, hines ward, troy polamalu, and the chin for god sake!

at least you didn't join the crappy ass chefs. we can only hope that even with a new head coach the team comes out stinking like the caca they are.

jeez louise i miss football!

Just Call Me Tasmanian Devil Whirlwind

or not. but i got a heckuva lot done after work today, even after leaving work late. despite being a lazy bum most days, i decided to be productive. so, after bringing the trashcan (isn't it so nice i don't have to threaten town & country disposal? i think so too.), i folded the sheets that were in the dryer, straightened up the bed, unloaded the dishwasher, made some tuna salad, and baked a batch of brownies. i still need to pay a bill or two, but the sandwiches for the adorable one are waiting for him, as it's a school night and he doesn't get home until close to 9:00 p.m.

why am i tired?!

Never Thought I Would Say This

but thank goodness for oln. as ncaa march madness has hijacked cbs for the next three weeks (basketball . . . yawn), at least i can get my survivor fix. unfortunately, lill and johnny fairplay are just as annoying the second time around. ah well, at least there's no jerri manthey. that bitch was tough to take.

It's A Mystery

and i don't know when it happened. but i've stopped answering the phone when i'm at home. maybe it's a further effort to be a hermit. all i know is that the idea of having to answer the phone is positively repulsive. and so i hide behind my answering machine. and i'm good with that.

It's Grown On Me Like Fungus

i wasn't a fan of natasha bedingfield's first single, but her latest, "unwritten" is a catchy tune. i like that it's upbeat, empowering, and a fun little ditty to enjoy. yes, i know--it's a pop song. give it a listen and who knows? your ears won't bleed and you may just like it.

Of Course She Thinks Of Jezus As Her Husband

naturally britt on "8th & ocean," mtv's new series about models, is a die-hard, dyed-in-the-wool jesus freak. this is the same lam-o making kansans look like a bunch of hicks that don't know how to dance and call their mommies because they are homesick. i can never figure out why they can't find some reasonable bitch to represent us. one that isn't a religious zealot and attends "models for christ" services. and one with a backbone. is that so much to ask?

Should I? Should I Do It?

our darling friend melissa, who we adore is good friends with someone who i would call a medium. others might refer to her as a channeler. mabye you would catergorize her as one that talks to spirits. i'm sure there's a lot of people that think she's a kook, a fake, a phony, or a charlatan.

i met audrey years ago when melissa and i lived next door to each other. once in awhile, audrey would take care of melissa's pets while she was on vacation with her then-partner, carrie (or as i love to refer to her, carrie jo). at the time, i didn't know that much about audrey. she ended up moving away, but melissa would regularly mention her.

one night, melissa mentioned that audrey can channel. i guess that's the best way to describe what she does--she channels spirits or energy or whatever. now, melissa, like me, is a cynical and suspicious and doesn't take anything on faith. but audrey talked to melissa about things no one, absolutely no one would know.

anyway, the reason i'm babbling on about this, is that audrey may be coming back to town for a few weeks toward the end of the month. and i want to meet with her. and ask some questions. i want to know that taylor is resting in peace, that he's no longer suffering. i want to hear that my grandparents are all doing well and are together. and i want to know that they are watching over me.

her rates are a bit steep, but as crazy as this sounds, especially for a girl that swears by science, i want to do this. am i crazy? do i just want to believe that there is a world, a place beyond what we consider our plane of existence? is is wrong to meddle? i feel like i need answers.

your thoughts?

I'm Her Bone + The Hip Flexer That Is Gone

abby is definitely the alpha cat in the household. for one thing, she is at least a half pound heavier than nikki. she's also more assertive and goes after what she wants. and she's a chewer. she loves, loves, loves to chew. on just about anything. including one of my bracelets i got last year for my birthday. bad abby, bad, bad, bad!

as some people are known as their friend's "bitches", i tend to think of myself as abby's bone. mostly this comes from the fact that when i go to bed, i sleep on my right side with my left arm extended. i would think it uncomfortable, but abby settles right on top of my arm, thereby preventing me from turning over or more importantly, getting up to pee.

naturally she doesn't get it when my arm goes numb and i need to move it or risk cutting off the circulation for good. which is why i much prefer it when she pretends to be a hat and sleeps around my head on the pillow. and while i like the idea of looking like daniel coon in bed, i miss having a cat that sleeps on my hip, the way taylor did.

he's been gone over a year and i still miss him. i know that will never change. i often wonder if he's at peace. if he's happy. if he's resting. which may seem weird when you consider i'm talking about a cat. but taylor spent a third of my life with me. he was the one thing i could count on, regardless of all the craziness of my 20s and early to mid 30s.

the girls are great and i love them to tears. but i miss the boy who slept on my hip.

I'm In Sync

with my coworkers. with the work i do. even though i am a the lowliest of peons, i feel good about being there and that all the demons that i have allowed to chase me have finally gone away. and i feel comfortable. enough to let my guard down. occasionally. it may not be nirvana, but thankfully there's no joey fatone either.

Guess I Shouldn't Have Complained

since gas went up to $2.39/gallon and i would have spent an additional 91 cents to fill up the tank if i had waited a day. now, there's something to be happy about.

Dear L Word:

thanks for killing off dana. that was the last straw after two, gruelingly heart-breaking seasons. we're canceling our subscription to showtime and quitting the show. hope you're happy.

sincerely,

the adorable one and princess superstar

p.s. you suck rocks!

Glad I Don't Own A Yukon

cuz it cost me over $16 to put seven gallons of gas in the civic. wtf?!

Mighty Morphin Civic

i always wonder if my green '97 civic lx (four-door no less!) looks like a cop car to other people. and i say this because it seems like when i'm driving, cars slow down. now, the adorable one would argue that i tend to drive like i'm in the indianapolis 500. as you can imagine, i tend to differ. in my old age of 37, i usually will not drive over 70 (on the highways and interstates people, please) because of the rampant radaring by our local police departments, which really, in my opinion, should be trying to solve actual crimes.

regardless, i find it very odd to be driving along, passing a few cars here and there, and then i look in my rearview mirror, and there's this big ole batch of cars like a couple hundred yards behind me like i'm a cop or something. it's weird.

what i really wish is that the civic could morph into a helicopter and i could just fly to and from work. or just fly around. maybe if i had a helicopter i wouldn't have to work. then again, it would be really cool if i could just fly. i've always wanted to be able to fly--an airplane, a rocketpack, a parachute, a hang-glider, a parasail, whatever.

i'm thinking there was a good chance i was a bird in a former life.

(for the record, this is not my baby. mine has a very cool ku jayhawk license plate on the front, natch.)

March Madness

is a big deal this time of year, especially at my alma mater, which won the big 12 championship. but the march madness i refer to is the strangeness of experiencing all four seasons of a year in one month and it's not even officially spring.

was it just a couple weeks ago that we were bundled to the nines and whining about the brief cold snap? with moderate temps, came the blustery winds that we experience in the fall. then came the balmy summer weather, with nice temps in the 70s and humidity. and although there is no question in my mind that spring time in kc is the loveliest time of the year, it is tempered with the severe weather, which normally occurs in april and may.

of course, no one in this area will be able to forget yesterday, with a number of tornados that cut a devastation path through the midwest, leaving behind millions in damage, destroyed property, and lost lives.

the adorable one and i are extremely fortunate that every time there is an outbreak of bad weather, it skirts to the north of us. which isn't to say that we are not glued, like mincemeat vixen's chinchilla to our local weather talking heads. most people don't realize, even those that live here in town, that our house is practically in a little valley, which serves as a lucky buffer zone from the bad weather that churns around us.

as for today? it's 40 degrees and we're headed back to a hard freeze. good thing i didn't put away my winter coat.

Bits & Pieces

of previous dreams keep popping into my head at odd times. and it's not just the recent garbled messages being sent by my whacked-out subconscious. nope, i'm getting it all. it's like an out-of-control roulette wheel spitting out random memories i thought were long gone. it doesn't really matter where i'm at or what time of day or what i'm doing--i can be driving along, staring at my laptop, or sitting in the loo, and out of nowhere, an old piece of a dream flits into my head like a looseleaf piece of paper being tossed about on a windy day. don't know the cause and the image is brief. i would think it unsettling except that i have an overactive subconscious that tends to be vomitous, mysterious, and downright clandestine. what i wouldn't give to decode it. maybe then i wouldn't feel like my ipod nano on shuffle mode.

My Heart Hurt

watching "born into brothels." i read a review in "entertainment weekly" and wasn't sure what to expect, except that they really liked it. then we had dinner with our friend melissa, who raved about it. and we've seen a lot of interesting, smaller flicks lately, but this beat them all. i can't believe it wasn't up for best picture, as it would have all the others to shame. i sound like a drippy, trite newspaper ad, but if you see one flick this year, let it this one.

I Don't Get It

last night, the adorable one and me watched this movie called "bubble", which we got from the library (i may have mentioned this before, but we get all our dvds from the library because they are free and we get them for a week.). i had read this totally glowing review in "entertainment weekly", and mentioned to the adorable one that this flick had an interesting marketing strategy--its studio, magnolia home entertainment, released the flick to theaters, on dvd, and to hbo or showtime in an effort to get wider distribution, as it's an independent flick.

here's the deal--the movie is quite good and i can't really get into the plot, but the flick is only 75 minutes and it haunts you long after it's over. still, i'm not sure i got the movie, so watch it. discuss it. let us know what you think.

If The Weather Boobs Don't Screw It Up

sunday forecast: low 80s
likelihood of fishing: 100%

Is It Me

or do caprisun pouches need to come in bigger sizes? i may be setting a new world record in how fast i can slurp those things dry.

Random Ramblings

the following are just some odds and ends that have been bumping around the old noggin:

my favorite parts of the day are as follows:
1. end of the work day when i know for sure i won't be working late, and i zip to my car so i can head home
2. when i've thrown off my icky work clothes and slipped into my comfy pajamas
3. when the adorable one comes home and we get to hang out for the evening
4. bed time

the best kind of morning (other than a saturday or sunday):
1. is when no one is coming in at the same time from the parking lot. unfortunately, the lighter it gets, the earlier people show up for work. i know, weird.
2. i don't have to ride on the elevator with anyone, particularly the chatty cathys and chads that seem to populate the office
3. i have a good ten or 15 minutes of total quiet time to myself
4. i can read all my favorite blogs and check out the daily quote from imdb.com

the best kind of afternoon i can have is:
1. i get to leave work on time
2. i don't have to run any errands, take out the trash or take in the trashcan, unload the dishwasher, fold the laundry, clean out the fridge, make the bed, pay any bills, or do other chores
3. traffic isn't a bitch and i can actually make it home in 20+ minutes (i get it, i have nothing to complain about, but my commute used to be like ten minutes)

essentially this boils down to: i'm happiest at home not having to do a damn thing. long live my hermitude!

I Can't Help It

but i think princess aura was the coolest character in "flash gordon." the movie was cheesy, but aura was a saucy minx with the best outfits, which is saying alot for that flick. and she wasn't a drip like dale arden, who had the personality of wet cardboard. the best part? as the adorable one says, "this movie is so bad, it's good." truer words never spoken.

A Cooking Class "Travis-ty"

so the adorable one and i have been taking various cooking classes for the past few years, off and on, at our local williams-sonoma store, which is conveniently located like ten minutes from our house. so, last night were we attended a class on making different kinds of pasta dishes. as it turned out, one of our favorite chefs, andrea duncan from lidia's, taught the class. andrea is great because she is not one of those namby-pampy chefs. nope, andrea picks pasta out of boiling water to see if it's done. she uses her fingers to stir egg yolks. she is not afraid to be hands-on with everything she does, and pooh-poohs spending like $86 for balsamic vinegar. yay, we really like her a lot.

unfortunately, williams-sonoma corporate has decided that instead of allowing our fantastic local chefs to share their favorite recipes, they [corporate] now insists that the menus are designed from their master series. so all the fun and spontaneity and joy of learning has gone out the door, and even though we like andrea, class was rigid, and structured, and truthfully, boring.

the one thing that was amusing was this older woman who was literally throwing herself at this guy, travis, who was at least 25 years younger than her. and he was lapping it up like a dog. every time andrea needed a volunteer, the older woman would chirp, "ooooh travis will do it." according to the adorable one, you would think by the way she was acting that travis was the only guy in class. not so. there was at least one other fella there, besides my cutie pie.

had i been in one of my moods, i would have said, "get a room and save us from the sap." but i would have been forked by the adorable one. which really wouldn't have looked good with the hives that popped up around 10:30 p.m. i know it was the damn cilantro!

Oh, How I Love Her

nigella lawson that is. i recently re-watched some episodes that i taped a couple years ago when she was on the style network, and i gotta say, i miss her show. i mean, anyone who deep-fat fries candy bars has my vote. or makes heavenly fried chicken. or ham cooked in coca-cola. she's a goddess people, a goddess.

Dorothy Has Doomed Us

contrary to what you see on tv or in movies, not everyone that lives in the midwest lives on a farm or in cornfields. and it's always infuriating that people from kansas are portrayed as total bumpkins. take britt on mtv's "8th & ocean"--she's the new girl in the model apartment and on deciding that she wants to go clubbing with her roommates, she mentions that she does not know how to dance. who doesn't know how to dance? i'm surprised she didn't say that she lives in a community like the one featured in "footloose" where no one is allowed to dance. jezus.

the only person who has really done us right is danni boatright of "survivor: guatemala"--she had grit, spunk, and smarts. unfortunately, everyone else comes off like some freakin hayseed. and you know what? i like "the wizard of oz"--mostly for the wicked witch, who i really think was vastly misunderstood. i mean the facts are facts--dorothy killed the wicked witch of the east, so naturally her sister would be pissed. i would be massively torqued and evil too if someone offed my sibling by dropping a house on them. sheesh!

and what's worse? no one gives the wicked witch any credit, none whatsoever, for being evil. i mean, how many characters, other than darth vader, hans gruber, and dr. hannibal lecter, standout as truly insidious. i tell ya, the wicked witch of the west is like the rodney dangerfield of oz.

point is, everyone associates kansas with that movie. and even on "8th & ocean", as soon as britt mentioned she was from kansas city, the other models, all got this look on their face. almost like they wanted to roll their eyes or run as far away from the girl as possible, but they had to be nice, so they made some vague comment, like, "oh." you could just tell they thought she was an alien from outerspace. nice.

too bad ole dorothy wasn't more like the wicked witch. then those other model wannabes would have a whole different perspective on people from kansas. and as for that annoying dog toto? i would have kicked his yapping ass to the curb.

Boo

one of the movie lines that i think of quite often is from "a midnight clear" starring ethan hawke that is about an american intelligence squad in germany during world war ii that are assigned to locate a german platoon wishing to surrender. it's an excellent movie, although sad and somber. anyway, one of the lines that ethan hawke's character says has to do with being scared all the time.

now, i don't go around in my daily life terrified of everything. but i do tend to get very involved in my work and can be easily spooked if someone sneaks up behind me, as my back faces the front of the cube. or really, i should call it a closet. but i digress. i thought it would be helpful to share the things that scare the beejesus out of me.

1. my car breaking down or getting a flat tire--don't know why, but the idea of being stranded on the side of the road terrifies me. i have a cell phone, i have aaa, and i have a wonderful husband who would rescue me from any situation. but it gives me the willies to think about it.

2. our house being broken into during the middle of the night--some times i think i should go against my anti-nra upbringing, spring for a glock, get trained, and keep a firearm in my nightstand. am i nuts?

3. being fired. this is an ongoing, every day thing due to being fired from two jobs. so i have an extremely high level of paranoia that i'm working to reduce. but it's tough. no one gets it but my husband. and the other people that were fired from the toxic waste dump.

4. the adorable one leaving me. i have a terrible fear of being abandoned. i would like to blame it on my mom going back to work when i was a wee one, leaving me with babysitters, but that's just being a cry baby victim.

5. getting cancer or some other horrid life-ending disease. i may be tired all the time and complain of chronic fatigue, but i take time each day to be grateful for being alive.

I Feel Like Elaine Benes

i may have mentioned that i'm a huge "seinfeld" fan. i usually watch every day from 5:00 to 6:00 p.m., if i'm home in time from work. i like all the characters equally, but i definitely relate to elaine and george the most. i one of the things that i find hilarious about elaine is that depending on the episode, she's got some great facial expressions and is not afraid to make faces at people.

i find that it's important to have coping mechanisms, especially at work. i don't really know when i started doing it, but when i have to deal with someone i don't like or pass them in the hall, once i'm out of their line-of-sight, i make a face. i know, i know, it sounds nuts. but it makes me laugh and feel good.

today i definitely felt like elaine because there's this guy at work and he's a nice enough fella. he's overly cheerful all the time, so i have to wonder if he's sucking down sugar every hour, but it's preferable to dealing with a sourpuss. anyway, whenever he greets me, he says, "how it be?" now, being someone who cares about words, it actually bothers me when someone doesn't use proper english.

it's not, "how it be?" he should say, "how are you?" now, how does this relate to elaine? well, if you remember "the muffin tops" episode, she and her former boss, mr. lippman, go into business together on a muffin shop. mr. lippman names the shop "top of the muffin to you!"

so elaine tells mr. lippman, "it's not 'top of the muffin to you," with the emphasis on you. it's just "top of the muffin to you." okay, maybe this doesn't relate perfectly, but i love it in the "the yada yada" episode when she tells george, "yeah. i met this lawyer. we went out to dinner, i had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada, yada, yada, i never heard from him again." and geoge goes, "but you yada yada'd over the best part." and elaine goes, "no, i mentioned the bisque." that's me!

I'm Sorry To Say

that making hardboiled eggs is something that eludes me. last week i boiled four eggs for ten minutes and then put them in a bowl of ice water. i was very careful to only boil them for ten minutes, as i usually over cook them. and you've seen the eggs that are overcooked--the yolks are always chewy, versus being kinda fluffy and crumbly.

this time i thought i had finally cracked the mystery. no such luck. it can't be this hard and i am not this dumb. if anyone has a foolproof and i do mean foolproof way of hardboiling eggs, i'm all ears.

Why I Don't Watch The Oscars

being a huge movie buff, people are always surprised to learn that i hate the oscars and never watch the show. the reason being is that they always screw up the awards. the year that "l.a. confidential" should have won, they gave it to that leaky "titantic." pathetic.

this year, i really thought "brokeback mountain" would take home the little gold guy. and what does the academy do? yay, they give it to "crash." and what was the deal with giving the oscar to reese witherspoon versus the more-deserving felicity huffman? seriously, it's like last year when they gave it to hilary swank versus, again, the more-deserving annette benning.

here's the problem i have. hilary swank had already won an oscar and her performance in "million dollar baby" was good, but nowhere near as wonderful as annette benning's performance in "being julia." she really carried the movie and stole the show. she made the movie. you can't say the same about hilary.

and with reese, yes, she is a very talented actress, one of my favorites. i realized when i saw her in "the man in the moon" that she was going to be amazing and remarkable. and she is. but she has years and years and years ahead of her. felicity huffman is also gifted. but the types of roles offered to her that will be oscar contender worthy are probably few and far between.

it just makes me sick. and sad. at least they recognized philip seymour hoffman and george clooney. perhaps there are a few people with brains in hollyweird. but only a few.