It Must Be Something I've Done

because let me say that for the last few nights, all i've had are bad dreams. a few nights ago, i dreamed i was back at the hellmouth, visiting some people. in the dream i thought that the head jerk was around, so i was hiding from him. that dream wasn't as bad as the one i had this morning.

for some reason i was at an expensive restaurant and had to pay the bill for a large group, so i put it on my marriott visa. and then i went somewhere else where i had to pay for something, like the grocery or something, and the card was declined because the adorable one and i had maxed it out. i think that had to do with the fact that i've been a wee bit of out of control with the shopping and spending. it's like being an alcoholic that doesn't have a drink for a long, long time and then goes on a bender. we spent quite a bit this weekend, mostly because of me. which normally isn't that big of a deal, except that i make less money now in my new job, which i do love, but also because the economy seems to be pretty much in the tank and i shouldn't be doing anything that makes our debt bigger. but i am, so there you have it. maybe i am a secret self sabateur. who knows.

the hard part of the dream was like, how are we going to pay for anything? it was like we were out of money, no credit cards, etc. there were no options, so i had no idea of how we were going to afford food, gas, etc. thankfully, that is not the case in real life, but i do admit that i could do a better job of saying "no" to going out to lunch so much, dinner because me and the adorable one are too lazy to cook, etc.

not sure where all this angst is coming from, but it's no fun to go to sleep lately.