How Corporations Waste $$$$

we have this absolutely retarded department at our company--they serve no purpose other than to waste money and lots of it. i know this because they are situated by the group i'm in, and a couple of their personnel are located in our area, due to lack of space in their own section. one of the people is the jezus freak that i have written about previously. i've actually come to like the guy, as he is super nice. he's just always on the phone talking about his church, has his head in his hands (no joke), or is talking to another person out of the loser group.

the other guy that has been situated in our group has a cube smaller than mine, which is a matchbox and still manages to have a chair in his area. which is good because more of their group comes over on a very regular basis to supposedly pour over project details. one of the guys that visits has massively greasy hair and i had to bite my tongue because i almost had a "straight girl for the straight guy" moment. it took every fiber of willpower not to volunteer the name and phone number of our stylist. too bad i don't have this kind of resolve when it comes to eating better and exercising. bygones.

so this worthless department is only in existence because this other massive corporation that we do work with created this type of department, so we had to as well. and this department is supposed to find ways for our company to cut costs, streamline processes, and be more efficient. all i see these people do is jabber jaw, sit around their conference room (yes, they even have their own conference room), jabber jaw some more, and act like they are doing some kind of great humanitarian work.

unfortunately, i think our division president supports this group, which seems odd because he is totally about being accountable, producing results, etc. which is the opposite of this group that does nothing and has nothing to show for it. nonetheless, i'm sure they all make a boatload of cash. because i think, unless i'm mistaken, this group is a dumping ground for employees, typically mid-level manager white guys, that don't have any real projects to work on. so they make some up.

like what you ask. well, i happen to be riding in the elevator a couple weeks ago with one of the losers, and he notices that i have a fedex package. here's our conversation:

him: "how are you shipping that?"
me: "priority overnight" (interally, i'm going, "none of your fucking business, jerkweed!)
him: "why"
me: (interal sigh, again, none of your fucking business) "because the client is requesting delivery by tomorrow morning."
him: "who authorized it?"
me: "the project manager"
him: "you know, our group is analyzing how the company sends everything priority overnight."
me: "uh huh." (whatever fuckweed. leave me the fuck alone. stop talking me. and oh yay, mind your own fucking business.)

would someone please tell me why we need to analyze the fedex thing? first of all, because we are a large corporation and ship stuff left and right--it was one of the things that blew my mind when i first started is that we ship things at the drop of a hat. seriously. i can't even imagine and don't even want to know how much we actually spend on fedex. it would probably blow my mind.

here's a study i would like the losers to work on. why don't they take their combined annual salaries and correlate it to the return on investment that they actually provide? because they can't. fact is, i'm not sure what they can do . . . except waste money.