I Like Irene Marie

because she's the only really sane, normal-seeming person on mtv's "8th & ocean." granted, she dresses like a teenager and has tons of plastic surgery done, but she appears to have the only level head on the show. granted the rest of the cast are vain, vapid, shallow teenagers on the verge of becoming adults, but still. you would think she would be this cut-throat, uncaring shark. but the neat thing is, she seems to care about the models in her agency. and she seems to care about her bookers, which remind me of a bunch of bees buzzing around a hive.

the show isn't brain surgery. it's not going to save any lives. but it's a damn interesting insight into a modeling agency.

It's Always Good

after a tough day to take your frustrations out on your nemesis, the hated hedge. remember when you were little and you had dolls? okay, anything with fake hair will suffice. so you cut the hair, thinking you knew what you're doing, and you realize one side is uneven. you try to fix it, but you end up making it worse. until your doll is bald. yup, i hacked that shrub to shreds.

it's safe to say that i have no future in landscaping, lawn care, gardening, etc. which comes to no surprise as i am the scourge of the plantworld, having killed off anything that comes across my path. unfortunately, the hedge seems impervious to attacks. for now. [insert maniacal laughter here]

What Will They Think Of Next

the people in my office have a serious addiction to coffee. as we're a large corporation, the company has opted not to provide free coffee, which doesn't effect me as i drink diet coke. every morning, one can. anyway, our food vendor added a small coffee machine that people could purchase a six-ounce (if that) cup of joe for like 25 cents. the machine had all kinds of coffee options, and even offered hot chocolate. then, the vending company added a second, fancier coffee machine with even more coffee choices. i found the whole thing hilarious until i think one of the coffee machines killed the ice machine and then i was pissed.

but i digress. and the ice machine got fixed. so they removed the second coffee machine and put in a pop-machine-sized coffee machine that actually says, "coffee diem: live the coffee." i have to say it's attracted quite a few takers.

thankfully, i'm immune to the java. now, if it was a sushi-machine, we would already be broke.

Yay, I Still Got It

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science

Things Are Better

the adorable one is always fond of pointing out that, "the one thing you can always count on is change." it seems simple, but when you're in the middle of being bummed, it's hard to see that nothing ever stays the same. ever. which is good, because i was pretty bummed last week, but things, as they always do, changed. for the better. for starters, i picked up a couple of assignments, one from my supervisor, who i like a lot.

it's a little bit of a step up as far as projects go, and it has a longer lead time/deadline. i also got to work on a monthly report that my group is responsible for. it's actually a huge deal because the report not only goes to the president of the company, the division president, and other senior management. it reflects directly on my supervisor's boss, so it has to be perfect. because my supervisor and his right-hand were at training, and because the newest member of our team had to do the report, the three left had to pretty much do the report. mostly because the newest member of our team is not detail-oriented and for whatever reason doesn't recognize the importance of the report, we all had to pitch in, me more than usual, which was nice and good.

the icing on the cake? it was relatively peaceful those two days and yet i was part of something that was team-driven. my coworker, whose cube is next to mine, and who i like a lot, wrote my supervisor this really great email thanking me for my efforts. it was like, "wow!" and oscar de la grouch actually wished me a good weekend, which has never happened before.

and then we had this kickass weekend. the adorable one's boss took us to dinner and the squish was delish. on saturday, we cleaned our house like mad and then hosted our dear friends, dan and jan over to eat pizza and watch "good night and good luck" (just as great the second time). on sunday, we totally vegged and it was soooo nice.

and whereas last week i was getting weird looks, today cabbage patch head and i actually had a decent conversation. which just proves what the adorable one has said all along. which also means, i'm gonna hear a lot of "i told you so!" ah well, it's worth it.

What's In A Name

it's funny, but i have yet to meet a vicki, victoria, vicky, or vic that i like. i apologize in advance if anyone reading this blog is named any of the above, but the truth is, every vic i've ever come in contact with is ick. for example, my friend don dated this one gal, named vic and she turned out to be a major witch. all she wanted to do was live off don and have him support her and be her sugar daddy. thankfully, they broke up and she's long gone. so is don, but he ended up with his high school sweetheart, so i'm glad for him.

there are two vickis at work--one is a chatty cathy and the other is permanently crabby. i find the polarity amusing, but never look forward to coming in contact with either. so if you have ever met a vicki, victoria, vicky, or vic and they seem alright, lemme know. otherwise, i stay viligent against the icks of vics.

I Am Dying (Sort Of)

i went to the doctor yesterday, which was an interesting and enlightening experience. as usual, i had to wait an hour to see my doctor, who i found about ten years ago. i expected to spend about ten minutes with her, but instead i got an hour. which is pretty amazing. most appointments, if you're lucky, last 15 minutes.

anyway, they took my blood pressure, which frankly has been high for like two years now, maybe longer. this time it was pretty out-of-control, so my doctor told me straight up--if i don't change my ways, if i don't start exercising and eat right, and getting out of this sedimentry lifestyle that i've grown to love, well, i'm not gonna make it to 40, and that's a little more than two years away. not good.

so, i did get lectured, but i also got a chance to tell dr. l what a mess i feel like on the inside. and that little things, like for example, cabbage patch head giving me a weird look upsets me for an entire morning, makes me feel like a total freak. i mean normal people don't have conversations with themselves like, "you just need to be george constanza and do the opposite of what you would normally do."

i finally was able to say, "i just haven't felt like me in a long, long time." so, she prescribed a new anti-depressent, a new migraine medication, and i have to see her in a couple of months for a check up. and in that time, i've got to make some positive strides or i'm going to be on medication the rest of my life. ugh.

more than getting scolded, more than having to be out of the office for like three hours, it helped to finally get some major issues off my chest. things i can't even tell the adorable one--how worthless i feel some times, that i hate how i look, really hate how i look but can't seem to muster the willpower to change my bad habits, how it hurts some times for me to have a graduate degree and still feel like a total peon at work. when i should feel like a superstar for the good work that i do.

so, it was tough to hear that i might have a stroke if i don't get my ass in gear, literally and figuratively. but it was what i needed to hear. maybe after two years of hiding, of being a hermit, of being in a funk, of having no hobbies to speak of, i can actually move forward. stay tuned.

Man, Blogspot Is Spot On

Your Life is Like

Say Anything...

What John Cusack movie are you?

It's Almost Comical

that every time i leave for lunch i end up in the elevator with the friend who dumped me. she always looks at me like i'm going to freak out or say something nasty. why she thinks i'm going to play into her hand and act like the angry person she perceives me to be is a mystery. i know what she expects, so the best part is disappointing her every single time.

Wicked Weather That Passed Us By

It's Interesting

how hard it is to cancel stuff, like the newspaper or phone service. you would think by the way their respective customer service representatives talk to you that you were committing some kind of crime. like if you don't have phone service, you are some kind of miscreant. the worst part was that they were willing to drop our prices, naturally, since we were canceling.

truth is, we barely use our telephone. we both hate talking on the phone and never get around to reading the paper, which only comes friday through sunday. i feel the deep guilt of all those trees being killed for naught. granted, our measley subscription won't save a forest, but every bit counts, as far as i'm concerned.

so to the customer reps i spoke with this afternoon, i'm sorry if it makes us uneducated wankers for not wanting to keep up on the daily news. i'm sorry if just having cell phones is enough. i'm sorry if our canceling those services causes you personally hardship, as that was not our intention. we just can get by with less.

or in our case, more squish. yup, we're uneducated wankers, no doubt about it.

Hard To Believe We're Rested

the owners of the firm where the adorable one works are highly religious folks and as such, give the employees good friday off. which i think is nice, even though we don't celebrate easter, cuz we're jewish and all. my point is, whether it's easter, passover, christmas, yom kippur, any day off, where you are paid, is a good thing. i took the day as vacation, since last year i took next to none, so i'm enjoying the surplus this year.

it was positively marvelous sleeping in on friday. in fact, i woke up early and then went back to sleep. ahhh. thankfully, i woke up in time for us to shower and have breakfast at our weekly spot. which was probably the most relaxing part of our day because it was go-go-go after that. we got the car washed and gassed up, and then headed out to grandview to mr. tires, a place that the adorable one had gotten tires years ago. luckily and because it was before the lunch rush, we drove up and there was no one else waiting to have their tires replaced.

i think it actually took longer to get to the place than it the time it took for them to put four new, cooper

from there, we went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription, only to be told that my doctor has cut off refills until i make an appointment and see her. so i had to call and talk to her nurse, amy, who actually sqwauked at me for not being seen in over 1 1/2 years. who the fuck cares? why would i even 60,000-mile tires on the crv. and the funny thing is, the car needed new tires as the tread out the outside was pretty worn, but i could see that the adorable one was questioning his decision until he saw the new tires on and realized we made the right choice. and really the best part, beside the fact that it didn't cost us a fortune is that we easily had the cash (compared to a couple of years ago where it would have been a hardship) to pay for the tires. and i'm not saying that if we had to pay $500/tire it would have been okay, because it would have been a stressor, but thankfully, we bought tires that ran around $60/each. really the truth is, i would have paid any amount to ensure the safety of the adorable one.want to go to the doctor, who i do like, when i only see her for maybe ten minutes. seriously.

i think people like me should be rewarded for not being a drain on the healthcare industry. i mean other than the monthly prescriptions, i don't need anything. i just don't get it. okay, so now i'm stuck going to see my doctor this wednesday morning. thankfully, as work is relatively slow, this will not be a stressor.

alrighty, where was i? oh yay, we get back from the tire place and go to the library to pick up some movies to watch over the weekend. realizing we were hungry, we headed to our favorite sushi place for a relaxing late lunch. we were going to hit the grocery and gamestop after enjoying some spectacular squish, but we ran out of energy and opted to veg out for the remainder of the day. i took a nap while the adorable one did some surfing and telly watching.

got up and realized that one, i had a migraine, and two we needed to hit the grubstore, so we did that. the adorable one cooked up some store-bought ravioli and served it with a yummy butter sauce for supper, which was awesome. then we played scooby until we couldn't keep our eyes open--me because i had to take tylenol pm to get rid of the migraine.

slept in again on saturday, which felt so good. for as much as we did, we both felt relaxed and rested. as we were bumping up against 9:00 a.m., which is when our breakfast spot gets busy, we opted to just throw on shorts, tshirst and shoes. we think that everyone must still be adjusting to the time change, as we got a spot out front and were seated by the windows (primo location, other than actually sitting outdoors). after a tasty start to our day, we stopped at the house to get my car and as i had a free coupon for the amoco waterway, we got my car washed and vacuumed. as spongebob would say, "it shines!"

after we got home, we made a bunch of phone calls to order lisa lampanelli tickets, a place to get our mower tuned up, and a few other items. all i have left as far as calls is to cancel the subscription to the paper (we never have time to read it) and our telephone service. i cannot wait not to come home every day and delete the hang-up messages on our answering machine. yes, i know, i need more excitement in my life!

we decided to grab something for lunch, so the adorable one took me to werner's, a little german deli about ten minutes from our house. i had a grilled bratwurst, the adorable one had a polish sausage, and we split a knackwurst. so good! and we'll definitely have to go back as it was delicious.

and fortunately, the deli is right by a local hardware store, which we needed for to make a couple copies of a key. on our way home, we picked up fat tire for the adorable one, a bag of ice, and then went to the grocery store to get fresh mango and some frozen drinkie mixes, as well as tomatoes, a ball of fresh mozarella, and some chips for our dinner with matt and amy at their house.

we also checked out the gamestop by our house, hoping to pick up a used version of the ps2 scooby game, but of course, they didn't have any in stock. so we headed home to relax before heading out for the evening. had a great time, despite the weirdest weather ever, which was the story all day. it would look all ominous and gray like the sky was going open up and we would be buried in sheets of rain. but it never happened. we got mighty windgusts and some lightening, but that was it.

despite the wonky weather, we enjoyed a fabulous dinner of grilled burgers, a light salad of cucumber, red onion, and tomato, chips, and fresh tomatoes and mozarella with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, peper, and some other herbs. so good! the adorable one took the fuzzy navel drink mix, chopped up a mango, added ice cubes and blended it all together. it was divinity! and there wasn't a drop of alcohol in the mix and we didn't miss it.

got home around ten, watched a little telly and crashed. i had some weird/bad dreams, so got up around 5:30 a.m. and read for awhile. thankfully, i was still tired and slept some more. so, this morning, i did a little bill paying, de-cluttering, and some tidying up.

as we ran around so much the past couple of days and because the adorable one has to work on his research paper after mowing the yard (much to the relief of our yard-obsessed neighbors), we'll be hanging out at the house with the girls. which suits me just fine.

unfortunately, i have to face my mortal enemy, our fast-growing hedge that requires trimming like every few days. much like my nails. is there a correlation you ask? a government conspiracy? wouldn't surprise me people!

so, now that all my favorite cooking shows are over, i must go do battle with the evil hedge. luckily, for once, i'm all rested up and ready to face that bastard shubbery.

Nuts and Flakes

i have been warned plenty about blogging regarding work. in fact, one of the first things my blog fairy godmother cautioned me about was that bloggers like dooce and one of my all-time favorites both got canned for blogging. so unless something sticks in my craw, i try to refrain from sharing the weirdness that is corporate america. then again people, who are we really kidding here? i love writing about the weirdos i deal with. i have two good stories to share.

story #1
okay, the first tale has to do with oscar de la grouch. last year the grouch and i had a bit of a spat. and it was totally retarded. the deal of it was i had mis-pronounced, yes mis-pronounced the name of a guy in his product line. oooh, kill me, i'm satan. but the grouch took it so seriously that we ended up raising our voices to each other. and the worst part of it was that, yes, i accidentally mis-pronounced the name, but it wasn't like i ran over his dog, and regardless, my boss who i do like, ended up hearing about it second hand, and i looked like the bad guy. it's so sick.

alright, so ever since then, i have gone overboard to be mindful when working with oscar. i'm overly polite and always, i kid you not, apologize for bothering him when i need to speak to him. i'm careful when i email him to be positively effusive and thankful for taking his time. so, so sick. it's obvious to me that i've been walking on eggshells and cowtowing to him.

anyway, i mentioned this, again, to the adorable one at lunch and he gave me the best advice. our conversation went like this:

me: so oscar always acts like i'm the biggest imposition even i have to discuss stuff that relates to his product line. i even apologize for disturbing him.
the adorable one: why are you doing that? oscar is no better than you. stop apologizng. in fact, from now on, act like you're doing him the favor.
me: brilliant!

i know it sounds basic, but since oscar and cabbage patch head are as thick as thieves and because oscar openly likes everyone else in our group except for me, i've allowed myself to be deferential and subservient toward him. so, i came back from lunch an empowered woman. i canceled the meeting scheduled for later in the afternoon with him and i'm only going to deal with him via email and if i do have to talk to him, it's going to be from a position of strength, not weakness. shit, i've been giving him all the power. i'm done with that.

and you know what? if the jerkweed has a problem with me, well, that's his problem. i can't read his mind, not that i would want to. so, it's kiss off fucker, i'm back. and that feels good.

story #2
this story is actually a bit sad. when i started at the company i became friends with one of the women in the department i used to belong to. we would go to lunch and commiserate about the lousy meetings and how the leaders of the group wasted more time and money than humanly possible. we even socialized outside of work, which was awesome. i felt like, well, of all the people at work, she was the closest person to being a confidante and real friend.

on tuesday, i emailed her, inquiring as we had not gone for lunch in a few months, if i had somehow offended her. so, it came as a shock to open my email that night and read this scathing message from her. it was this awful, awful litany about how she couldn't be friends with me any more because she felt like we were worlds apart. huh? she went on to say that i held onto anger and i had burdened her with my cabbage patch head issues and on and on and on.

the old me would have written this really nasty email, and i would have wanted her staked to a cross. yes, i know, i am positively horrible. but, instead, i talked out the whole thing with the adorable one and versus pledging to hate her for the rest of my life, i realized that i can choose to let things go. i do feel bad that we are not friends any more, but the adorable one pointed out (since he also knows her) that she has behaved in a bi-polar manner before and that something could actually be emotionally wrong with her. i'm not saying this because we're not friends any more. i'm saying this because it was so abrupt.

real friends tell you if you've bugged them or crossed a line, you talk through the issue, and then you move on, your relationship stronger and better for it. because real friendship involves give and take, it involves risk and reward, and it involves investing in the other person, and caring enough to work through whatever bumps in the road you encounter.

so fare thee well tl. it was nice knowing you.

Wow

so i got home today and there was a letter addressed to me, which is kinda unusal as i don't get much, if any actual real mail. the handwriting looked familiar and i noticed that the return address was from the adorable one's biological father. who i wrote for the first time about a week ago to see if there was any interest on his part in having any kind of contact with the adorable one.

truthfully, i had convinced myself that his real father wouldn't want any contact with him. i'm glad i was wrong. and also goes to show that i need to have more faith. now the adorable one wants to write his father a letter. wow.

Something To Talk About

so i get back from lunch with the adorable one and i pass my coworker's cube where oscar de la grouch is perched. now, my coworker, whose cube is next to mine, i like a lot--he's a generally good fellow. he does work more than any mere mortal should (leading me to believe he's a vampire) and he's a perfectionist to the nth degree, but he usually is there to coach and mentor me. when he's not being monopolized by cabbage patch head.

but i digress. so, while i'm getting situated, checking messages, etc., i hear them speaking in hushed tones. now, i may have mentioned this like a thousand times or so, but i run a million degrees of hot. about every day. in fact, unless it's freezing outside, i'm sweaty. nope, it doesn't make sense to me either. but to keep me relatively comfortable, i have a fan at my desk. which is great, but throws a real monkey wrench into the equation when you want to eavesdrop. i can't turn off the thing without being totally obvious.

anyway, it's apparent that oscar is unhappy about someone's performance. probably mine, despite the fact that we barely work together because he always chooses cabbage patch head for his projects. which secretly pisses me off. because the work is supposed to be shared between us and he gives her all of his assignments. it's not like i even like working with oscar because he's cranky, crabby, a perfectionist, and because we had a tiff of sorts last year, still carries a secret grudge. seriously, he likes just about everyone else in our group except for me. he calls everyone else by their last names, jokes around with them, but with me, it's like the kid-glove treatment.

the reason i think oscar is talking about me is because he's mentioning things like "inconsistency" and the thing is, he's never, ever happy with anything i complete for him. it's just a given he hates everything i do. well, hate is a strong word. let me put it this way--no matter what i draft, he shreds to pieces. i could write, "the sky is blue" and i swear he would re-write it. my coworker that he was talking to is the same way.

anyway, i'm pretty sure he was talking about me because i asked him for help with a list of projects i was pulling together yesterday, on short notice. i normally wouldn't ask him for assistance, but the projects fall into his business lines.

of course i couldn't just go over to either one and say, "hey, i heard you talking and i think it's about me." it was just the way they were talking that made me think it was me. and i think this because my coworker that resides next to me was using terms like "the importance of the team" and that generally means he's giving some kind of pep talk about sucking it up and making things work.

my point is, if you are going to talk about someone, and if that someone is me, do it in private. because i am already paranoid about people talking about me. obviously. and narcisstic as i think everything is about me. unfortunately, paranoia and narcissicim is a bad combo. it's a wonder i get through every day. thank god for drugs, huh?

Hearing Voices

so today our admin was back from vacation (and surprisingly didn't complain for a change about being back, as she only takes like four weeks of vacation and four weeks of sick leave) and i overheard her talking to someone that sounded exactly like kip from "napoleon dynamite." sadly, lafonda was nowhere to be seen either.

A Tricky Issue

there's been a lot in the news about the immigration laws. you can't really know if someone is a legal citizen or an illegal alien, if that's the correct term. for example, we live in a city, in fact in an area, where there is a large hispanic population. it's none of my business if those folks are here legally or illegally. that's the job of the ins. and i'm not saying that it's just hispanics, as there are plenty of folks from other countries here--i just think that the liberal media focuses on the mexicans, so most folks, including myself, consider most illegal immigrants to be, well, mexicans.

now, before anyone gets their underpants in a wad, let me say this. i have no gripe with any particular people or race. in fact, i happen to have a great respect for most people, especially the hispanics--they are extremely hard working, polite, and nice. i know this because they are the cleaning crew at the office, the people that do the yard work at our offices, the busboys and line cooks at the restaurants we frequent, etc. does that make me better than them? hell no. i was afforded the privilege of being born a u.s. citizen. as such, i pay taxes--taxes that pay for the school districts, health care, etc. that support those that don't pay taxes.

and that's where i have an issue. if you live and work here, then become a u.s. citizen. don't be a burden on the rest of us. if you work and live here, pay taxes and support the community. if you're here illegally, get the immigration process started. if you're just living here to make enough money to go back and be more well off, then i'm sorry, you need to be deported. if that makes me a bad person, so be it.

The Zonked Zone

i would love to know what's causing me, from 8:00 to 10:00 a.m. (and some times beyond) to be extremely tired. to the point where my eyelids are so heavy that it takes all my willpower to not pass out at my desk. i'm thinking i may have contracted narcolepsy, i may be dying of some unknown brain disease, i'm getting too much sleep or not enough, or the zoloft has a weird side effect now and causes me to be at the brink of snoozing.

seriously, i think i nodded off at least a couple of times this morning. not good. i know the adorable one would tell me to go to the doctor, but i just don't want to hear the speech about losing weight and getting exercise. bleh. i may have to start doubling up on the caffeine as i am one struggling zonked chicklet.

Talk About Surprising

i didn't expect to like tori spelling's new show, "so notorious", but it's just as funny, self-effacing, and clever as entertainment weekly's review said it was. in fact, the show is surprisingly smart and silly at the same time. and loni anderson is a freaking hoot.

I Got Too Much

sleep this weekend, i really did. after a nice time with my gal pal sue on friday night (we watched "good night and good luck, which is wonderful), i probably got home around 8:30 p.m. and an hour later, me and the adorable one were in bed. we told each other it was the time change that was making us so tired, but the truth is, we were just pooped from another week of boring work.

we slept in saturday, at least until 7:30, as the adorable one had planned to go fishing with our friend matt. and he did end up going fishing with him, just a couple hours later than originally planned. so after breakfast at our fave place, the adorable one headed out. i watched a little telly and then feeling kinda migraine-ish, i crashed for a good four hours. when i woke up, i popped a tylenol pm and watched tv until i realized it was close to 4:00 p.m. and i still hadn't showered for the day.

so, i took a really nice, long shower. which is highly unusual for me. for two reasons. one, i take very short showers, never longer than ten minutes, if that. showering usually requires some work on my part, like shaving, which doesn't take long, but like everything else, i don't like having to do it.

reason two is i think there's a good chance i was like some kind of fish or dolphin or something in a former life. and i say this because i love being in water. i love swimming, floating, having water pour over me (like in a shower), etc. i consider myself a water person and what i mean by that, is that how other people find the mountains or the desert soothing, that's how i feel about water. i absolutely find it very calming, relaxing, and i'm in my element when i'm in water.

so, i should like taking showers, but i don't. there you have it. anyway, the adorable one got home around 5:00 p.m. and we went to what we thought would be a good dinner at yahooz, kind of an upscale trendy place. unfortunately, everything sucked but the service. our appetizer (a whopping $8) included two small onion rings, and three tiny skewers with one-chew size veggies and beef. not worth the cash. my caeser salad wasn't really that tasty (should have ordered the house salad), and the chicken and dumplings was overly salty. don't think we'll be going back. which is kind of a bummer as i would i have liked to have tried the chicken with the maple pear glaze, brussel sprouts, and potato hash (even though i am not a supporter of hash).

the point is, the meal was substandard for what we paid. the adorable one got his usual, ribeye steak, which was grilled to perfection, but his potato gratin thing was sick-o. so, yahooz is off the list of acceptable places to eat. am sure we would have had a better meal at jimmy john's.

so we get home and the adorable one is watching the usual stuff--his favorite movies ("the fifth element" and "the incredibles") over and over, and being a brat and bored, i go upstairs at 8:00 p.m. and go to sleep until 11:00 p.m. mind you, i've had a four-hour nap already and a long night of sleep the day before. made no diff.

anyway, the adorable one comes up and convinces me we need to do something fun, so we pull out the scooby game and play until almost 2:00 a.m. and then we go to sleep. i woke up around 5:00 a.m., because truthfully, i was totally tired of sleeping. i think i finally hit the motherload and just had enough.

so, i finished "map of bones", which was pretty decent. it's another knock off of "the da vinci code," but still a good read. thankfully, i have not napped today and for once, i'm glad for it. who would have ever thought i would have written that?

The Stench Of Evil

the adorable one is, well, quite adorable. and quite evil. his favorite evil thing to do takes place while we're shopping. i'll be minding my own business, perusing at my own pace, and then . . . a stench so awful, so terrible, so very horrid, engulfs me. meanwhile, the adorable one, looking quite evil and satisfied with himself, is a good ten to 15 feet upwind.

if darth vader could fart, he would be proud of the adorable one.

It's No Gooda

when it's 5:00 p.m. on a friday and all you want to do is go to sleep. yup, i definitely need more excitement in my life.

An Anniversary Of Sorts

two years ago, on april 6th, i got fired from the toxic waste dump. i really thought my life was ending, even with our wedding just seven weeks away. i think that there were four things that saved me--the adorable one, taylor (i think he held on until i got my job (where i work now), my friends, and our pool, which i pretty much soaked in every day.

as we drove home from a yummy sushi supper, i asked the adorable one if, looking back two years ago, if he thought things would turn out alright--that we would recover financially, and for me, emotionally. ever the optimist (that's my man!), he said, "of course." if you had asked me, i would have predicted my suicide, as it was just an awful and horrible time, despite getting married and going on an awesome honeymoon.

the adorable one is convinced that nothing ever stays the same. no matter what, things change. he's right and i know that. regardless of how crappy life is, the sun still comes up and life goes on. and somehow we made it. i got another job, at a much better place, and after two years of total paranoia, made it over the hurdle.

and it took a while, but we put our finances back on order--our retirement savings took a major hit, but unless we win the lottery, we have a good 20 to 25 years (sigh) of work ahead of us. which two years ago, sounded a lot like heaven. perspective is funny, even when the situation you're going through is not.

so, we made our way back. of sorts. i'm still a hermit with no interest in going back to the gym or really even being social. we could be saving more money. we could be going to the gym. i could be finding a hobby or two to occuppy my time. other than watching tv, cuz that doesn't really count. but it should!

here's to the man, who stood by me when the chips were down. who saw me at my worst and still loved me. we made it through baby, and the best is yet to come!

A Lingering Lunch

so today the adorable one ate at our favorite greek restaurant, which is run by a very nice indian couple who serve delicious food. the adorable one usually gets the gyro sandwich and fries, and i get the greek salad and gyro sandwich. i love the combination of the lamb meat, cucumber sauce, and onion, and tomato--so delish. the only thing is, no matter what i do, the sauce ends up dribbling onto my shirt and lanyard. so the rest of the afternoon, all i smell (and probably smell like) greek food. which is good up to a point. then, it's like overkill and i can't get home fast enough to change. still, it's a serious addiction and one worth being a tad pungent.

It's Not Pretty

to look at my nails. at least they are short. but my cuticles, lordy, they are cracked and peeling. i can't figure if it's the dry weather we had all winter, if i don't use enough lotion (okay, that was a gimme), or what, but seriously, my nail beds are just a huge ole mess. thankfully, i don't care about such superficial things.

Once Again, The Boobs Got It Wrong

the weather dolts were predicting armageddon with splashes of fire and brimstone yesterday for this afternoon. and naturally, there's not a drop of rain to be had. i so need a job where i can be wrong all the time and make a lot of money. as it is i make mistakes every day and get paid peanuts. nope, i don't get it either.

Oh Yay

i heard this song "if you talk too much (my head will explode)" by people on planes and i have to say it's quite the little ditty. i like it better every time i listen to it.

Downhill Slide?

maybe it's me, but the performances on "american idol" seem to be getting worse each week--there's no energy, no passion, no singing from the heart. i don't know if they are all zonked, but it's not a good sign when i'm finding reruns of "miami vice" more compelling. then again, "vice" is a classic show, one for the ages. how the adorable one does not see this is beyond me.

Uneffing Believable

so i stop off at the grubstore on my way home because i was making breakfast for dinner, which is something we really like. the thing is, i don't like grocery shopping. at all. because i'm usually starving and have to convince myself not to buy a package of cookies or chips or ice cream or candy bars. but i digress.

i make it through relatively quickly, as the store wasn't that busy. i'm waiting in line, minding my own business. then the lady in front of me, turns and says, "can i use your savings card?" now, i don't know what the rules are when it comes to letting other people use your savings card--for all i know the store doesn't want people using each other's cards--maybe they track all our purchases, i don't know. what i do know is that it completely took me surprise. i wasn't expecting it and just kind of stood there, so this lady other the other side of the checkout lane volunteered her card.

and what does the lady in front of me do? she turns and stares at me like i'm the bad guy. it's like "sorry honey, if you can't remember to bring your savings card, it's not my fault." and hey by the way, i'm your average tax-paying citizen, so don't treat me like a criminal. i'm just here buying groceries like everybody else.

so the evil bitch finishes paying for her stuff, profusely thanks her partner-in-crime and again looks at me like i've run over her dog. i'm like, "whatever. just move it along loser." so she starts to walk away and turns and gives me another look. and i'm not even making this up!

alright, so i am leaving the store, and there she is curbside loading the groceries into her bigass suv and yes, she gives me another look. maybe i killed her dog in another life, i'm not sure. anyway, in further proof that she and her husband are nuts, i'm putting my groceries in the trunk of my car and they have the balls to drive by and honk at me, so i finally lose it and just flip them off.

what the hell? i mean i would understand if i was snippy or super rude, but i was just kind of astounded that she wanted to use my card. for all i know i could have been busted by store security the way things are these days.

regardless, if i see her again, she's getting punted into the canned food aisle gratis of my cart at ramming speed. let's all hope that helps jog her memory and leaves a lovely grid mark on her sorry ass.

I Knew It!

You Are Marcia Brady

Confident yet kind. Popular yet down to earth. You're a total dream girl. You've got the total package - no wonder everyone's a little jealous of you.

What Brady Are You?

Oh Wood, Come Hither

Your Love Element Is Fire

In love, you are a true listener and totally present. For you, love is all about feeling more alive than you've ever felt. You attract others with your joy and passion. Your flirting style is defined by your strong ability to communicate. Fun and play are the cornerstones of your love life. And while your flame may burn too brightly, it's part of your appeal. You connect best with: Wood Avoid: Water You and another Fire element: will likely burn out quickly

What Element Is Your Love?

Hoo Boy Am I In Loooooove

so we kicked showtime to the curb last week (thank god!) and instead got the digital video recorder (dvr), which is less money a month and is the equivalent of tivo sans the very cool noise that tivo makes. but here's the best part. i'm watching one of my favorite movies, "conan the barbarian" and the flick is at my favorite part, where conan, his gal pal, and sidekick storm thulsa doom's love pit and wreak some serious havoc. and as a sidenote, other than killing a bunch of people, i wouldn't mind having a job as a havoc wreaker. truth be told, i think i would be damn good at it.

back to the flick--so conan, the galpal, and sidekick are wracking up the body count and the big guy with the long reddish hair says to conan, "you." that's it. "you." if i was conan, i would have replied, "you bet your lazy ass it's me, fucker." "you're toast." i'm sure the adorable one would have come up with a snappier reply, but that's the best i can do on my current adrenaline high.

so i'm watching the flick on one of pay channels which somehow we're getting for free and i want to rewatch the scene, so i just hit the rewind button and i can watch that scene as often as i want too. how cool is that?!?!?!?!?!?

don't take it personally if you don't hear from me for a while. i'll send an sos for reinforcement as i may have to call in (cough, cough) sick for a few days. my, i'm feeling quite ill. got to go . . .

Baby Steps

a couple weeks ago i was talking to the adorable one's older sister and she mentioned talking to their biological father on a regular basis, which came as a real surprise to me. the adorable one's biological father left when he was four and he [the adorable one] doesn't remember him at all. thankfully, the adorable one's step-father is a great guy and did a superb job raising the adorable one. in fact, we consider "p" his real father and always refer to him as such.

the adorable one has quite the mixed heritage--he's part black irish, part german, part russian, part cajun, and i think either cherokee or cheyenne. in my family (we hail from russia and poland, and according to my dad, we are part of the levite tribe), knowing your roots is extremely important.

so when the adorable one's older sister mentioned that she talks with their biological father on a regular basis and that he is curious about the adorable one, i requested the father's mailing address. and i've penned a letter to him, which will go out in tomorrow's mail. i could say that i'm not sure why i'm doing this, but i know better.

the truth is, i want the adorable one to at least meet his father and see what he's like. there is no doubt that "p" raised the adorable one. but i still want him to have some kind of connection to where he came from, to his roots, to the man who is responsible for part of his dna.

don't know or really even expect that we get a letter in return, but there's a big part of that hopes we do.

Last Week Was A Real Shit Kicker

which maybe explains the lack of inspiration and interest in writing. normally i have like a zillion things going on in my brain and stuff i want to expound on, but last week was a struggle to the finish line and i didn't even have to work any overtime, which is pretty unusual in my position. i don't mind the overtime because it's extra money and my base salary is a real suckfest. true story--the adorable one added it up and i pretty much worked twice the hours i did at the toxic waste dump and made the same salary. crazy, huh? yet, it's hard to complain when it's paradise compared to the hell i used to go through.

i part of the problem was that i got downsized from a major project, which was a bummer. it was one that i was actually put in charge of, so to have part of it siphoned off to cabbage patch head, who was being a pain-in-the-ass, was making me super crabby/cranky/pissy. i know, it just doesn't seem possible. anyway, the thing is, by the adorable one took me to a nice dinner at our fave place, it was forgotten, and we had a decent weekend despite migraines on both days.

this week seems better and i even had a nice dinner with my mom. which if you asked me if i ever thought that was possible, i'm not sure i could have answered in the affirmative. but we did and i'm glad for it.

nobody said that life was champagne and roses. tons of people have it a million times more difficult than me. and i get that. i just hate to struggle. i just want it to be easy. but that's not how life works. and i've got it easier than most. plus the greatest mate on earth. so i'm not sure what i'm really complaining about.

oh yay, i just like to complain. how could i forget?

I Think I Like

kelly clarkson's latest single "walk away." once again, i'm snared by a snappy pop song.