Nuts and Flakes

i have been warned plenty about blogging regarding work. in fact, one of the first things my blog fairy godmother cautioned me about was that bloggers like dooce and one of my all-time favorites both got canned for blogging. so unless something sticks in my craw, i try to refrain from sharing the weirdness that is corporate america. then again people, who are we really kidding here? i love writing about the weirdos i deal with. i have two good stories to share.

story #1
okay, the first tale has to do with oscar de la grouch. last year the grouch and i had a bit of a spat. and it was totally retarded. the deal of it was i had mis-pronounced, yes mis-pronounced the name of a guy in his product line. oooh, kill me, i'm satan. but the grouch took it so seriously that we ended up raising our voices to each other. and the worst part of it was that, yes, i accidentally mis-pronounced the name, but it wasn't like i ran over his dog, and regardless, my boss who i do like, ended up hearing about it second hand, and i looked like the bad guy. it's so sick.

alright, so ever since then, i have gone overboard to be mindful when working with oscar. i'm overly polite and always, i kid you not, apologize for bothering him when i need to speak to him. i'm careful when i email him to be positively effusive and thankful for taking his time. so, so sick. it's obvious to me that i've been walking on eggshells and cowtowing to him.

anyway, i mentioned this, again, to the adorable one at lunch and he gave me the best advice. our conversation went like this:

me: so oscar always acts like i'm the biggest imposition even i have to discuss stuff that relates to his product line. i even apologize for disturbing him.
the adorable one: why are you doing that? oscar is no better than you. stop apologizng. in fact, from now on, act like you're doing him the favor.
me: brilliant!

i know it sounds basic, but since oscar and cabbage patch head are as thick as thieves and because oscar openly likes everyone else in our group except for me, i've allowed myself to be deferential and subservient toward him. so, i came back from lunch an empowered woman. i canceled the meeting scheduled for later in the afternoon with him and i'm only going to deal with him via email and if i do have to talk to him, it's going to be from a position of strength, not weakness. shit, i've been giving him all the power. i'm done with that.

and you know what? if the jerkweed has a problem with me, well, that's his problem. i can't read his mind, not that i would want to. so, it's kiss off fucker, i'm back. and that feels good.

story #2
this story is actually a bit sad. when i started at the company i became friends with one of the women in the department i used to belong to. we would go to lunch and commiserate about the lousy meetings and how the leaders of the group wasted more time and money than humanly possible. we even socialized outside of work, which was awesome. i felt like, well, of all the people at work, she was the closest person to being a confidante and real friend.

on tuesday, i emailed her, inquiring as we had not gone for lunch in a few months, if i had somehow offended her. so, it came as a shock to open my email that night and read this scathing message from her. it was this awful, awful litany about how she couldn't be friends with me any more because she felt like we were worlds apart. huh? she went on to say that i held onto anger and i had burdened her with my cabbage patch head issues and on and on and on.

the old me would have written this really nasty email, and i would have wanted her staked to a cross. yes, i know, i am positively horrible. but, instead, i talked out the whole thing with the adorable one and versus pledging to hate her for the rest of my life, i realized that i can choose to let things go. i do feel bad that we are not friends any more, but the adorable one pointed out (since he also knows her) that she has behaved in a bi-polar manner before and that something could actually be emotionally wrong with her. i'm not saying this because we're not friends any more. i'm saying this because it was so abrupt.

real friends tell you if you've bugged them or crossed a line, you talk through the issue, and then you move on, your relationship stronger and better for it. because real friendship involves give and take, it involves risk and reward, and it involves investing in the other person, and caring enough to work through whatever bumps in the road you encounter.

so fare thee well tl. it was nice knowing you.