Rearing Her Head Like Medusa, The CPH Returns

some things are not meant to last and the detente between me and the cabbage patch head is over. like kaput. oh, nothing extreme happened--no cross words or heated exchanges. it all started yesterday when i got this w-a-y weird vibe from her. i thought it was really odd that she skipped our weekly staff meeting, which unless i'm on vacation or on such a serious deadline, i would never miss. then i tried to track her down to sign a congrats card for a fellow in another office, and i nearly had to lasso her. no joke. it was like she couldn't run away, as usual, fast enough from me. unless i stink, there's no reason for that. i guess some people don't understand common courtesy or manners.

i also noticed she left halloween packages for two coworkers and originally i thought it was treats and sweets, but i think it was for their dogs. i'm not sure, but the rest of our group did not receive one of her gift packs, which were clearly labeled from her, and as everyone tries to be overly politically correct, even if you didn't like someone, normally you have to provide whatever you're giving to one person to the whole group. like it or hate it, that's how it goes. oh, you could buck the trend, but then you would be labeled petty and believe you me, you don't want that.

then i was working on a couple of projects with our formatting guru and the cph comes over and proceeds to whine about not being able to attend today's team-building event and that she was at the office until like 12:30 a.m. on saturday, and frankly, she's getting a little bitter about missing our group events. now, i can say this--if i was in her shoes and missed both the fab baseball outing and today's art museum tour, i would be pissed. let's face it, i threw a blog hissy fit for a good two to three weeks until things were turned around in my favor. so, i get it. but unless she had to be at the office, she could have spared four hours.

we are all very busy. i have two projects that are due this friday and i can't wait to get them done. i can't wait for the weekend to start and for me to breath a big ole sigh of relief that those two gut-wrenchers will be behind me. i hate to wish time away, but the next three days are gonna be hectic, no doubt about it. thursday and friday will probably be the worst of it, with friday being a total horse race.

anyhoosa, i get where she's coming from, but at the same time, this joan-of-arc act is wearing thin. real thin.

Suckeeeee

Here's The Deal Yo-Yo

no matter that it's a wee bit lighter in the morning and we get an extra hour of sleep, i positively loathe daylight saving (not savings!) time. i still don't understand why we observe this way outdated time change. if we originally adjusted the clocks for the farmers and their harvests, i think that time is past. seriously. frankly, we shouldn't mess with pushing the clock forward or backward. to me, we're screwing with nature.

and please, for the love of god, don't get me started on springing time back. i am seriously fucked for two weeks over losing one hour of sleep. needless to say, i'm kinda crabby until the internal clock readjusts. the good news is that we have time to prepare for the inevitable crankiness that's coming in march 2007.

so, a safe bet for all to stock up on sugar. and lots of it.

Just Another Strange Observation

isn't interesting how good hair feels on your head, but when you see a strand of it in your bathroom sink or in your tub, it's gross? these are the types of topics that twirl through my brain as i get shiny clean. which either means that i am vacuous or weird thoughts fascinate me. personally, i'm leaning toward the latter.

One Kick Ass Cool Bridge

Oh Yes, Where We Spent All Our Time

photo credit: the adorable one, who seems to be a better photographer than me, dammit. what's with that?

Just A Few Of My Favorite Things In Tampa

i met this really cute guy at the aquarium's gift shop. he's so, well, adorable.

the earl of sandwich, which should really be the earl of sammich was quite good. just a wee slow for lunch, but the wait is worth it. i had the "le frency" and it was délicieux.

i think we can all agree i'm into floral and fauna. i snapped this one in our hotel courtyard.

i liked the aquarium even though it was overrun with breeders and their crappy spawn. i was extremely partial to this cool pic with quote.

how can you resist a gigantic bowling pin? i don't know either.

just another neat touch the hotel provided.

our luxe room . . . my kind of heaven. the bed was indeed one big, ball of plushness. and you can never, ever go wrong with a surplus of pillows.

i'm not really into the bucaneers stadium, but the view from the room was nice.

A Girl & Her Laundry . . . A Beautiful Thing

Don't Know Which One

it could be the mid-morning banana . . .

or the yogurt for breakfast . . .

could be the combo, but something wicked is tearing up my tummy. every day. yuk.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

we'll be in tampa until monday evening, so enjoy the peace and quiet. in the meantime, we'll do our best to soak up as much sun, sand, and surf as possible. yay, we suck. get over it!

To Me!

I Guess I Can Stop Whining Now, If That Even Seems Possible

so today at staff meeting, the person who organized our super kickass team-building event, which was scheduled for this wednesday, october 18th (hello, my birthday!), mentioned that she's not able to attend. then our director (my previous supervisor) announced that i was going to be stuck at the office as well. oh okay, he didn't say stuck at the office--he mentioned i was on deadline for a project.

so, we're going on halloween (how cool!) and as there are no scheduling conflicts, i get to go. so, not only do we get a nice lunch, a private tour of great art, we get paid for it. the only downside? i have to excuse to crab any more. oh, how will i survive?!

It's Funny

how losing a little bit of weight gives you more energy--enough to tackle reorganizing your linen closet, allows to you better wipe your ass (gross, but true), and the most addictive aspect--your clothes are looser. yay, no newsflash, i know. still, even things like pajamas start to be roomier and tend to hang off in certain places. no wonder those hollyweird lollipops (i'm talking to you nicole ritchie!) are hardcore skin and bones.

thankfully, i am far too fond of cheeseburgers, onion rings, and chocolate shakes for that to ever happen. still, i'm feeling a ton better and guess what? my blood glucose levels have really dropped--i've even got some readings in the normal range. color me happy!

Oh Veronica, How We've Missed You

I'll Take 70 Degrees On My Bday

This Looks Quite Good + It Stars Dreamy Christian Bale (a.k.a. Batman!)

Lest All You Think I Do Is Shop & Obsess About Time

i'm searching for the perfect clock to compliment what the adorable one refers to as my barbie dreamhouse bathroom. can i help it if the original tile is the most princessy shade of pink? thankfully, the tile is offset with a warm, creme walls. anyhoosa, the later in the week it is, the later i run in the morning, so by friday, i'm lucky to make it to the office by 6:45 a.m. that's bad in my universe, and yes, i'm a freak. let's all say it together and then get over it.

anyway, here's a rundown of the contenders. the adorable one and i like this one best. i think i like it even better as it's actually named the wacky wakers sheep alarm clock. it just cracks me up, and no, i have no idea of why. it just does. my funny bone is probably way out-of-wack (ha!) compared to the regular population.

i like this one because: 1. it's pink; 2. it perfectly matches the wallpaper floral motiff; 3. it's pink; 4. it's sleek, clean, and simple; 5. did i mention i like the color?

this clock is appealing as the design, like the one above is classic target--clean, simple lines, nice and modern, and i think oh joy of joys, it glows in the dark. score!

the cutie below, well, it's classic me, i can't help it.

as we're going to pick up the perfectly lilac coverlet that corresponds with the new comforter, and we have a $20 gift certificate for target from the adorable one's boss, there's a good chance one of the above is going to have a new home. thankfully, they are all positively droolworthy, which we know is all that matters.

have a preference? wanna vote? let your voice be heard people because time is a'wasting, chop, chop!

Residents Of Tampa: We Invade Your Fair City In 7 Days

Ugly Betty: My New Role Model

betty's spirit, sass, and spunk make her positively radiant. i dream of having her inner strength, determination, and grit. she has all the character, goodness, and decency that i should strive for. i'm just too addicted to fitting in, enjoying a bit of gossip, and all too often, not standing up for myself. she's the girl i want to be, and could be, if i worked at it. stay tuned.

Obviously, The TV Show I Want To Live In

i mean where else can you go to parties all the time, never go to school, drive a nice car that you didn't pay for, live in a big ole house overlooking some terrific scenery, eat at a bunch of different sushi restaurants constantly, and shop like there's no tomorrow?

laguna beach, at least on the telly, is the center of the universe if you have nothing better to do, an endless supply of cash, and no character to speak of. too bad i have integrity, huh?

The Witching Hour

every day starting around 2:00 p.m., my stomach starts gurgling and about 30 minutes later it's in full revolt. i don't know if it's that i'm eating more fiber or my system is getting cleared out, but i can set my watch by the mad dash to the loo, which is depressing. it usually passes, in a manner of speaking, after i get home. maybe it's my digestive system adjusting to the new diet, but it sucks rock feeling like i have ibs. somebody please pass the pepto-bismal and step on it.

The Heat Is On

The Great Pillow Hunt Begins Tomorrow

luckily, i have the twin, who is a shopping superstar of such epic proportions, well it's just not possible to put it into words what that wonder woman is capable of. i bask in her fabulousness. not to worry, our loot will be proudly featured once we locate the motherload. which may take multiple expeditions. it's a tough gig, but oh yay, we're up to it.

Look What's New In Toasters

naturally, i want one. surprise!

Aren't We Lucky It's Not Snow?

Over The Hump, In A Matter Of Speaking

so the diabetes medication, whatever it's called, has kicked in to the point where my pee doesn't seem so concentrated and i actually feel like my normal self, which i have to say, thought would never happen again. i was wrong as usual. i can't say if it's just the medication or because i've cut my food intake to a fourth of what it used to be. hard to say.

what isn't hard any more is the peeing itself. when my blood glucose level was off the charts it felt like i had to pee all the time and even when i did pee, not that much would come out, and it seemed like, i know this horridly gross, so stick with me, that my vagina's muscles would contract toward the end of the stream, making it very uncomfortable every time i peed. so it's safe to say that i haven't looked forward to peeing the past couple of weeks, but now i can pee and it's no big deal.

while it probably seems like no big deal, it actually is. i am just so happy to feel like me. it's like when the hives dissipated and i went back to being human. the next steps involve getting on an exercise program and figuring out a meal plan that works. as it is, i'm terrified to eat practically everything, so as a result, i'm eating next to nothing. which is not the way to handle it, so the meal plan is going to be crucial--it's like a delicate balancing act of figuring out which foods, portions, etc. raise my glucose level and what will keep it in a safe range.

we're making progress and probably the hugest hump we, or maybe me, had to get over was to realize that life as i know it, is not over just because i can't down five or six cookies in one sitting. alright, i get it, i sound over dramatic as usual, but the truth is, i don't feel like diabetes is a death sentence. far from it.

they say every cloud has a silver lining. if it took me being a type 2 diabetic to eat better, get in shape, lose weight, and be healthy, then it was a blessing in disguise. perhaps i'll live longer because of it. kind of a weird twist of fate, but i'll take it.

Once Again, The Product Whore In Me Wins Out

i've been wanting to buy tide to go ever since i first heard about it. my lot in life includes a horrible habit of feeding my clothes, as the adorable one kindly points out on a very regular basis. i even kinda like that ridiculous commercial for it starring the scary robot that is kelly ripa and her poor husband, mark consuelos. i don't know how he lives with her--maybe he likes the cash, hard to say.

anyway, i am eagerly looking forward to spilling on myself so i can test drive this nifty little stain remover. oh dear, i'm starting to sound more and more pathetic. drat!

I Just Can't Make Up My Mind

blogger is offering a new version of blogger in beta that include new ways to customize our template with drag and drop elements, fonts, color schemes, etc. it all sounds really good . . . but what if i hate it? i mean, granted, there's nothing to fancy-schmancy about my blog, but i like it that way. clean, simple to read, interesting pics (i hope), and fascinating blather about my boring life.

but at the same time, i know change is good, even if i'm not fond of it. okay, so i hate change. there, i said it. and frankly, i find the people who say that they like change a little off. no one i know really likes change all that much. we like things to stay the same, at least most folks i know do. does that make us boring? lordy, i hope not. i just like my safe little world. is that so wrong? granted some home improvements would be welcome changes. winning the lottery would be a welcome change. heck, our trip to tampa in a couple of weeks is a going to be a most welcome change.

anyway, anyone who wants to weigh in, please do. i'm not one to take big leaps of faith, being a conservative cynic scaredy cat, but i welcome all suggestions, votes, ideas, so the polls are open.

People Will Go See "Blood Diamond" For Leonardo DiCaprio

leo is a terrific actor, confirmed even moreso this weekend after taking in "the departed" where he played an undercover cop that infiltrated jack nicholson's mob group. have never been a fan of leo, even though he's always turned in solid performances. i think it had to do with the whole hype of "titantic", which i thought was over-the-top. yes, it was a good movie. but better than "l.a. confidential" for best picture of the year? not a chance in hell.

the real reason i'm champing at the bit to see the flick? my all-time fav villain actor, arnold vosloo, who i first spotted in john woo's "hard target" (yes, i know, a jean-claude van damme movie). he was positively menacing. he oozed evil. never underestimate what a great villain can bring to a flick--just think what would "star wars" be without darth vader? or "die hard" without hans gruber? these two set the benchmark for tremendous villains.

anyway, i never understood why arnold didn't capitalize on "the mummy", so i'm pleased to see him on the big screen again. okay, more than pleased. stoked! i'm so stoked!

I Don't Know Why, But This Cracks Me Up

Looks Like Fall, Smells Like Fall . . .

so it must be fall since it is almost mid october. problem is, my brain still thinks it's august. wait, did i write about this last month? probably. even though i'm completely obsessed with celebrating my birthday with cake, presents, flowers, presents, cards, presents (sensing a theme, huh?), i hate fall. it kills me when the leaves fall off the trees, the grass turns brown, and it seems like there's less than eight hours of sunlight a day.

it finally hit home when i was leaving work the other day, looked around the parking lot, and noticed that some of the trees are already completely bare. like all the leaves are gone and swirling around the lot, piling on the islands and bunching up around the curbs. of course, it's really noticeable in the morning when it's pitch black when i leave for work a little after 6:00 a.m. and doubly so when it's dark by 7:00 p.m. i'm not sure, but the loss of light is probably what saddens the spirit the most.

i'm far from ready to go into the cold and dreary, yet it's showing up by Wednesday. which is difficult to adjust to when your weekend temps are in the upper 80s. oh, how we long for the move to sunny florida where we won't struggle through the seasons. then we can kiss fall and winter so long, sayonara, buh-bye, and toss our icky winter wear away. i'm thinking a bonfire to celebrate the doffing of heavy coats, sweaters, mittens, etc. would be appropriate, but i bet the neighbors would have a cow. freaks!

and for all you suckas who think the changing of the seasons is just swell, you obviously haven't endured ice storms, heinous wind chill, bone-cold rainy days, sleet that coats your car to where you can't get it open, etc. it's a real treat.

Oh Baby, You Are Beautiful

Dodged The Bullet

so we had the meeting today--my supervisor, the cph, and me. we went through our project workload for the next week as he is going to be in dubai (well, from this sunday to wednesday--yay, it's nuts) and then he asked if we had anything else to discuss, to get on the table, and neither one of us said anything.

in fact, strangely before the meeting, the cph actually helped me with a database. i don't know if we have unofficially called a truce, and it seems like we've been here before, so i'm not really sure what to think. but perhaps i've learned my lesson--and that means not to be chummy or trust her, and not so reactive to her emails. i know, i know--easier said than done.

in the meantime i'll be on my guard for stray potshots.

It's Finally Getting Better After Disc 2 On CD

as for awhile there, i thought i was gonna have to punt this boohoofest to the curb. let's hope it continues to be enjoyable, otherwise i see a big eject button in its future.

Total Cheese

what is it about this over-the-top, laughfest that men find so addictive? every time it's on the adorable one has to watch, at least the last 30 minutes where the crowd is cheering for some guy they don't even know. it's so pathetic. i would feel bad for sean astin, but he's probably more famous for playing this underdog versus sam gamgee. and i'm sure the paycheck wasn't all that bad either.

The Collective Shit Hitting The Collective Fan

so my supervisor, who i'm liking more for the most part (except for assigning me a project that is due the day after my birthday, thereby preventing me from going on the cool team-building event and ruining my evening) came by before i left this afternoon to inquire how my day and then dropped the bomb--he had scheduled a meeting for the three of us tomorrow after lunch. the three of us being him, me, and the cabbage patch head. which is not a big deal as he's leaving for dubai and will be gone for a week so he wants to get any final updates and tie up loose ends.

that really isn't the shit. the shit is that he talked to the cph about her lack of professionalism when it comes to communication and it turns out, naturally, that she has issues with me. so, we have to hash everything out tomorrow. fun, fun, fun. it's probably a good thing that we're going to have it out, but i told the adorable one that i'm steeling myself for a full-frontal attack. i can't help but be on the defensive.

so, i'm taking in the double-plated armor and preparing for potshots, lobbed fireballs and the like. the good news? i am a very nitty, gritty, go-for-the-jugular fighter. regardless if she comes out swinging, i'll throw everything back in her face.

because as chris parnell, acting as simon cowell on "saturday night live", said, "i'm rubber, you're glue. whatever you say bounces off and me and sticks to you." nyah!

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

the good

my supervisor called me this morning, sensing that i was massively ticked from the cph's email yesterday. he was right to call as we had a good conversation and he heard my perspective, which is, hey it's not alright to sling potshots at me, via email or otherwise. and if you think i'm going to sit idly by and take it, well you would be wrong. very wrong. so even though i tattled on the bitch, he's gonna have a much-need (and as far as i'm concerned) long overdue talk with that loser.

the bad
i met with the project manager for the project due the day after my birthday and it's gonna muck everything up as expected. they won't have the pricing done until that day and it will be a massive scramble to the end so who knows how late i'll be there that night. plus, i get to miss the fabulous team-building event, which includes a private tour of the city's premier art museum. not how i wanted to spend my birthday, but there's nothing i can do. but complain about it. endlessly and incessantly.

the ugly
ever seen those diabetes blood sugar one-touch machines? you know the ones where you put a drop of blood on a little strip and then insert into the machine and it provides your blood sugar level? yay, i have one of those now, lucky me. the diabetes advisor actually told me that i am now, officially, allergic to sugar, and can only have things like a piece of chocolate cake, once a month, at best. and really, i should be avoiding anything and everything with sugar from here on out. and while i am not dying, have cancer, or anything horrible like that, i still feel like my life is over. i mean, no more cookies, ice cream, cake, on any kind of regular basis? might as well drive the car off the cliff.

the beauty
okaaaay, so i'm a little over dramatic. the silver lining in all this? the adorable one is not only going to be completely supportive, he'll be there for me every step of the way. and despite missed birthdays, heinous psycho coworkers, and being diabetic, nothing can change the fact that i married the man of my dreams. who will also be my toughest taskmaster. and in the end, my lifesaver.

It's Cool To Be Blue

that nigella lawson has the neatest stuff. i mean, how else can you explain me going gaga over measuring cups? i don't get it either, but i definitely want items out of her collection.
aren't these salt and pepper holders adorable? well, i guess dreamy would be a better description. regardless, they go on the "must have just because" list.

And In Other News

my supervisor wants to even out the workload between me and the cph, so he assigned me a project in her product line. problem is, the project is due the day after my birthday, so not only will i miss our team building event, a private tour at the city's premier art museum, but i'll probably have to work late that night. thanks boss.

the only good news is that the next day, around 5:30-ish, the adorable one and i will be on a plane to sunny tampa. and there's nothing, absolutely nothing, mr. perfect or anyone else can do to change that. just sucks rock that i get stuck working on crapshit that i don't want to work on. guess that's why it's called work.

needless to say, if i seem pissy the next couple of weeks, just write it off to my birthday being ruined by the jerkweedishness and super-righteousness of my supervisor.

Feeling Better

so the anti-glucose medicine is helping, although i'm still having to take painkillers when i get home, and i'm still experiencing massive gastric distress every afternoon. thankfully and somehow i got an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow at 5:30 p.m. (i didn't even know she had afternoon, let alone evening hours--no more missing work for me!). the best part is when the painkillers kick in and i feel normal. i know i have a long way to go to getting better, like having a normal blood sugar level, but am hoping once i see my doctor we can start with a baseline and determine a plan to eliminate the need to be on insulin.

in other news, i had the weirdest dream the other night that caused me to scream in my sleep, so i freaked out the adorable one and abby. in my dream, i lived at home (yes, scary) and had my old twin bed that i could wheel around the room like a car, as it even had a rearview mirror. anyway, i can remember feeling creeped out, like michael meyers was hiding in the woods that i could see in the rearview mirror. for some reason i knew that some kid was missing and i would check the mirror to see if i could see him in the woods. and all of a sudden this guy appeared, i think he was the kid's dad, and grabbed my arm, and i started yelling. and that's when i woke up the household. i was so freaked out that we had to sleep with the hall light on. yup, i was wigged.

and ole cabbage patch head (the cph) is back to her old tricks. this afternoon she fired off an email that was full of potshots aimed at me. and of course, she copied our supervisor (mr. perfect) and our previous supervisor, who is now director of our department. because i refuse to lower myself to her level, i just continue to respond in a polite, professional manner. but i did forward her email to our supervisor with a note saying that her email was accusatory, unbecoming, and unprofessional. what really chewed me up? not only would she never send an email like that to anyone esle, i would never even dream of ever sending it to anyone at all. yay, i'm a tattler. but i'm sick of it and sick of her. she's a two-faced backstabber. it took all my restraint to not call and say, "what the fuck?" and "do you want a throwdown in the parking lot?"

the adorable one always advocates to take the high road, but it's hard. and i get tired of it. i don't necessarily want to sink to her level, but i wouldn't mind replying to her and advising that i'm not her whipping post, and that she needs to be more cognizant of the language she uses in her correspondence. anyway, best case scenario is that our supervisor spanks her. hard. but with my luck he'll want me to talk with her and i'm not going to do that. i've tried that and she deflects everything. majorly annoying. have i mentioned i hate her? yup, i positively hate her guts.

one day things will go my way. at least i hope they do and i'm going to trump her ace. the only problem? i'll have a helluva time keeping the shit-eating grin off my face.

It's Official: I Screwed The Pooch

so on friday afternoon my stomach was pretty ripped up--if i had to guess it was the blueberry bagel with cream cheese from the cafeteria. for some reason i think their cream cheese causes gastric distress. when i got home i noticed that it felt like i had to pee more than usual, especially since i had not had that much to drink all afternoon. so, i took a couple of painkillers that i would take if i felt like the kidney stones in my right kidney were on the move or causing irritation.

i didn't think too much of it and expected i would feel like my normal self in the morning. and i didn't want to mention to the adorable one because i hate bringing this kind of thing up, as i already feel like a hypochondriac around him. it's the paranoia in me.

i was up for part of the night because i went to bed ridiculous early on friday night--like 8:00 p.m. as the painkillers were kicking in and i passed out pretty fast. so on saturday we went to breakfast and i finally spilled the beans as i was feeling icky and i was horridly crabby because of it. more horridly crabby than usual, so i had some explaining to do.

so we ran an errand and then called the nurse's line, which is luckily part of our insurance. they suggested we head to an urgent care versus an er, so that's what we did, only to be told to go to an er, so we turned around and went to the one by our house (maybe 15 minutes away, max). now, keep in mind we got there at 12:20 p.m., i met with the nurse in triage maybe 20 minutes later, and then we sat for almost three hours before being taken back to a room, which was divided by a curtain.

we got lucky as our doctor was the one who treated me for hives two weeks ago and our nurse was quite nice. as they understood that i had stones before. so they started an iv drip and provided some new painkiller that went to work almost immediately. they took blood and urine and we waited and waited and waited. i figured we were really in trouble when they ordered a cat scan, which generally means they didn't find any white blood cells in my urine, which would have indicated a urinary tract infection, which they can easily treat with antibiotics.

at that point, all i was praying for was the cat scans to come back clean--no stone obstructions as that is a major pain-in-the ass. because nowadays they make you spend a week trying to pass the stone on your own, with major painkillers, and they they inevitably schedule an outpatient procedure where they go in with a basket and get the stone. the whole thing doesn't take that much time, but all you want is the stone out and nothing is ever that easy. first they have to confirm that there is an obstruction, then you visit your urologist who confirms what you already know and they schedule the outpatient surgery.

then you wait the week, completely uncomfortable, and finally you go in for the procedure, which maybe takes an hour, i think less, and when you wake up, the stone is gone, and it hurts to pee the first couple of times and then you are just so grateful when it doesn't that you are happy to pee again like a normal person. i've been through this what seems like countless times so you would think i would be smart and just drink two litters of water every day. nope. i'm lazy about the water intake thing and i also am a glutton for items with sodium (like french fries), which is a major no-no because the idea is to keep the kidneys flushed as much as possible.

like i've said, i'm my own worst enemy. i refuse to let things go that happened a few years ago, like being fired from shitty, krappy, and worthless and the toxic waste dump, and allow myself to become a hermit, thereby ruining my good health as i used to be a total gym addict. anyway, to get back to the main story, the test results came back and the scans were clean, with the exception that there is still a stone in my right kidney.

but the urine test and blood tests revealed a completely different story--my blood sugar/glucose levels were so elevated that they were off the chart. like i should have been admitted to the hospital, but i refused. i just can't be hospitalized unless i'm dying. otherwise, i just have to get the health issues under control. anyway, the whole reason i was peeing like a racehorse is because when your blood sugar/glucose are that high it causes you to pee all the time.

so our er doctor prescribed something to get the blood sugar levels down and instructed me to see my regular doctor, so i'll email her today and see if she can get me in. i have a feeling i'm in for a whole, new round of lectures but i deserve it. i get it.

i don't want to die. i don't. but some times i feel like i deserve it because of the financial duress i caused us when i got fired from the toxic waste dump. while we learned some valuable lessons (like getting everything from the library, versus buying books or going to blockbuster for dvds) and it made us stronger, we also had to burn through funds that we can't get back. it was a very bad bleak time, which yes, is over and behind us. but the guilt remains.

so getting punished for what i caused doesn't surprise or irritated with my health issues. i figure i deserve it. then again, we may turn things around to where we can control the diabetes, which i'm sure i have now, with diet and exercise. if not, well, i screwed the pooch on my own.