I Don't Know What To Think
i've been a control freak as long as i can remember. which is a long time. i've tried to manage not only expectations regarding my life, but obviously the outcomes. there's a lot i haven't seen coming (the furnace pooping out earlier than expected), and certainly there were instances where the handwriting was so clear on the wall that it was practically popping off and following me around.
when we adopted the girls, a week after we lost taylor, it was partially to fill a huge void left by what i considered to be my first born. regardless that he was a cat, to me, he was the son i would have had if he was human. because the girls were born in barn, as we were told, they had all kinds of ear mites, round worms, sniffles, etc. we made sure they had all their shots, boosters, ear drops, cold/cough medicine, etc. we bought them tons of toys, science diet cat food, treats, etc.
and they have flourished. they are happy, healthy, and active. and i think they like their life with us. we sure as heck love them as much as we would love children that were ours genetically. so, when the vet told us this morning that the girls, both of them, have some odd growth in their ears and that they will have to see a specialist, i felt my stomach twist into knots. i can see what the appointment in one month's time will be like--us carting the girls to the vet specialist, him running a gazillion tests with long scopes that peer into their ear canals, them squirming, and us feeling sicker and sicker to our stomachs.
if you ask me if it's worth it, i don't know what i would say, except that i can't leave stones unturned and i must do what i feel is in the best interest of our girls. while it may be nothing, a benign polyp at worst, i'm saddened, horribly, that our girls have to suffer anything. all i want is for them to continue being healthy, happy, and safe.
but the reality of life is that you can't protect anyone or anything from getting hurt or sick or whatever. if i sound like a downer, well, that's how i feel. i can't save the girls from the upcoming appointment. i can't save nikki from getting her teeth cleaned this summer because she has a tartar buildup and we have to protect her teeth as best we can.
i don't know if that makes me a good parent or if i'm doing more damage to their nature, as they are not meant to be indoor creatures. cats were not meant to have their teeth cleaned by humans--their natural diet of mice, birds, and other rodents did the job, believe it or not.
what i do know is that we love our girls, more than life itself and there's no end to the earth that we wouldn't go for them. and hopefully that will be enough.
when we adopted the girls, a week after we lost taylor, it was partially to fill a huge void left by what i considered to be my first born. regardless that he was a cat, to me, he was the son i would have had if he was human. because the girls were born in barn, as we were told, they had all kinds of ear mites, round worms, sniffles, etc. we made sure they had all their shots, boosters, ear drops, cold/cough medicine, etc. we bought them tons of toys, science diet cat food, treats, etc.
and they have flourished. they are happy, healthy, and active. and i think they like their life with us. we sure as heck love them as much as we would love children that were ours genetically. so, when the vet told us this morning that the girls, both of them, have some odd growth in their ears and that they will have to see a specialist, i felt my stomach twist into knots. i can see what the appointment in one month's time will be like--us carting the girls to the vet specialist, him running a gazillion tests with long scopes that peer into their ear canals, them squirming, and us feeling sicker and sicker to our stomachs.
if you ask me if it's worth it, i don't know what i would say, except that i can't leave stones unturned and i must do what i feel is in the best interest of our girls. while it may be nothing, a benign polyp at worst, i'm saddened, horribly, that our girls have to suffer anything. all i want is for them to continue being healthy, happy, and safe.
but the reality of life is that you can't protect anyone or anything from getting hurt or sick or whatever. if i sound like a downer, well, that's how i feel. i can't save the girls from the upcoming appointment. i can't save nikki from getting her teeth cleaned this summer because she has a tartar buildup and we have to protect her teeth as best we can.
i don't know if that makes me a good parent or if i'm doing more damage to their nature, as they are not meant to be indoor creatures. cats were not meant to have their teeth cleaned by humans--their natural diet of mice, birds, and other rodents did the job, believe it or not.
what i do know is that we love our girls, more than life itself and there's no end to the earth that we wouldn't go for them. and hopefully that will be enough.
posted by the princess at 12/27/2006
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