Wish I Could Be Outed
i bet it seems like i'm obsessed with food as i tend to talk about it quite a bit in this blog. however, since being diagnosed as a type 2, the way i think about food has shifted, as much as my eating habits have improved. for example, i'm still overwhelmingly curious every day about what's for dinner, but i'm never that hungry any more. i care about what we're going to eat, but i can barely eat a fourth of what i used to.
don't get me wrong--i'm not complaining about the lack of appetite--whether it's due to the glucophage or a shrunken stomach--i just don't take in the amount that i did in my overeating heyday. which has led to a continuing loss of weight, looser clothes, more energy, and dare i say it, more spring in my step. for sure, once we actually start exercising (next week? i hope!), i'll definitely need to take in more protein or my blood glucose levels could dip too low.
i've been lucky though. due to my recent bout with the flu, i have little interest in my meals, which has resulted in very normal blood glucose levels, when tested with the one-touch monitor. and all that is good. i wish i wanted to eat more, like even a small afternoon snack, but even if i was hungry, i would be worried that the food intake would mess with my before dinner glucose test. so, the bottom line is, i don't eat a heckuva lot every day.
and i still find that weird. i don't get how i am not starving when i usually only eat a piece of wheat bread with a small amount of peanut butter for breakfast. and maybe, if i can get it in, a piece of fruit. and that's it. lunch is usually a bowl of soup or a small salad, but not much. no afternoon snack, and then a small dinner. for a girl who used to be able to put food away, it's a real change. mind you, again, i'm not complaining!
but you know what i wish? i do wish i could tell my parents. but i would get endless lectures plus the "i told you so!" constantly. no thank you. i would love to tell my sister, but every subsequent conversation would be how i am handling the diabetes, when she doesn't realize we've been handling it since october, and thank you, we're doing really well with it. but her conversations, which are like the spanish inquisition, would make it miserable. she wouldn't even get that i don't have to take insulin or anything like that--we're managing it with medication, diet, and soon, exercise. but it would be question after question after question.
some days, it feels like i'm living in the closet with diabetes. i mean, other than my doctor, the adorable one, and my twin, no one knows. and i guess, that's the way it's gonna be--just doesn't mean i like it or wish it could be different.
don't get me wrong--i'm not complaining about the lack of appetite--whether it's due to the glucophage or a shrunken stomach--i just don't take in the amount that i did in my overeating heyday. which has led to a continuing loss of weight, looser clothes, more energy, and dare i say it, more spring in my step. for sure, once we actually start exercising (next week? i hope!), i'll definitely need to take in more protein or my blood glucose levels could dip too low.
i've been lucky though. due to my recent bout with the flu, i have little interest in my meals, which has resulted in very normal blood glucose levels, when tested with the one-touch monitor. and all that is good. i wish i wanted to eat more, like even a small afternoon snack, but even if i was hungry, i would be worried that the food intake would mess with my before dinner glucose test. so, the bottom line is, i don't eat a heckuva lot every day.
and i still find that weird. i don't get how i am not starving when i usually only eat a piece of wheat bread with a small amount of peanut butter for breakfast. and maybe, if i can get it in, a piece of fruit. and that's it. lunch is usually a bowl of soup or a small salad, but not much. no afternoon snack, and then a small dinner. for a girl who used to be able to put food away, it's a real change. mind you, again, i'm not complaining!
but you know what i wish? i do wish i could tell my parents. but i would get endless lectures plus the "i told you so!" constantly. no thank you. i would love to tell my sister, but every subsequent conversation would be how i am handling the diabetes, when she doesn't realize we've been handling it since october, and thank you, we're doing really well with it. but her conversations, which are like the spanish inquisition, would make it miserable. she wouldn't even get that i don't have to take insulin or anything like that--we're managing it with medication, diet, and soon, exercise. but it would be question after question after question.
some days, it feels like i'm living in the closet with diabetes. i mean, other than my doctor, the adorable one, and my twin, no one knows. and i guess, that's the way it's gonna be--just doesn't mean i like it or wish it could be different.
posted by the princess at 12/19/2006
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