Take That Cap Fed

when we started the home equity loan process what seems like six months ago (when it was like three, or maybe four weeks), we thought it would go fairly quickly and be relatively easy as we both have decent jobs, a little bit of credit card debt, retirement funds, etc. naturally, it was not that easy--first, we had to turn over two paycheck stubs, our w-2s, and our mortgage paperwork. then i get a call that goes like this:

idiot bank person: so, how much do you plan to sell your house for?

me: well, probably $190,000 - $195,000

idiot bank person: uh huh. well, how much did your house appraise for three years ago when you bought it?

me: $179,000 (please note: we paid $172,000)

idiot bank person: well, the idiot county you live in did a random appraisal this year of your house and it came in at $161,000, which hey, coincidentally, is how much you owe on the house.

me: whatttttttt? you've got to be kidding. there is nooooooooooooo way our house would appraise at $161,000.

idiot bank person: well, unless your appraisal was completed by one of the firms on our approved appraisers list, well, you'll have to get another appraisal and that's gonna run you $325.

me: whatttttt? i don't know who did our appraisal, so what are supposed to do?

idiot bank person: bring your appraisal paperwork in and i'll talk to the underwriters. maybe they will accept your appraisal.

a few hours after lunch . . . .

idiot bank person: yay, the underwriters said that because your appraisal is over two years old and not from one of our approved appraisers, you need a new appraisal. so bring the check by the bank tonight and we'll get it ordered.

me: fine.

idiot bank person: good.

me: great.

idiot bank person: okay.

me: bye.

so this is a thursday that we drop off the check, thinking that they will get the appraisal ordered for at least monday. but ooooooooh no. they don't get it scheduled until tuesday. and even though the appraisal company has not turned in their official report, they called the idiot bank, who called the adorable one.

and you know what our house appraised at, even with the gaping hole in the backyard, the unfinished floors, the exterior that needs to be painted, and the driveway that needs a fresh coat of asphalt?

drum roll please . . . $190,000. yup, we've done nada to the house except paint the office, put in a new ceiling fan, and install some new faux wood blinds. that's about it. somehow, through choosing a decent neighborhood, the house has thankfully appreciated. with the improvements planned, we may sell it for even more than we had originally planned.

which just goes to show you two things:

1. bank mortgage people are a total pain-in-the-ass and know nothing about house appraisals

2. alls well that ends well does come true