Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner

i had a really crapola day at the office. i intensely dislike personal conflict and am always trying to minimize it. i usually apologize for stuff that is not my fault and try to be extremely accomodating. i never want to step on toes, land in mud, or hurt anyone's feelings. on the flipside, i am noone's doormat. and if perceive to be unjustly accused of something, watch out. because that's the exact type of thing that gets my blood boiling and the dander up. i hate, hate, hate being tagged for something i had no part in. so if you wanna piss me off, that's the quickest way to it.

this morning i received an email from a project manager that needed files, which should have been stored on the server last week. so i emailed the project manager and explained that we would send the files when the person responsible completed the upload and copied that person. while i have liked this person, she's an emotional basketcase drama queen who always has some kind of crisis going on and is very moody.

remember when i wrote about how stephen covey says you should make your own weather--essentially you determine your own moods and attitudes. well, she doesn't prescribe to that theory. instead, if it's raining or gray or gloomy, she's blue and depressed. the thing is, you decide how you are going to feel every day. it's that simple.

okay, so i stop by about an 1 1/2 hours after my original request to her. i can hear her talking and as it turns out, she's on the phone. and i can tell she's pissed. so i go back to my cube and then return about 25 minutes later as i want to confirm that the files have been uploaded, so i can send them onto the project manager. now, she's talking quietly to a coworker and when she turns to see, i get the most hateful look.

so, i once again return to my desk. i finally checked the server and found the files were uploaded, except for a few, and send the ones on to the project manager. and that really should have been the end of it. but of course, it wasn't. i get this email from her saying that she had sent the files to the project manager (and essentially not told me), which was stupid as it looked like we were not in communication. our job is to take care of the client and i think she loses sight of that.

okay, so i email her back saying that i sensed some frustration on her end and would she like to clear the air. of course, i do not get a reply. so, i continue on hoping that she'll finish uploading the remainder of the files. when that doesn't happen, i leave a voicemail and send an email because at this point i can't trust her to do her job.

finally after lunch, i stop by and talk with her coworker, a really cool guy that i like a lot. they are friends, but he was very decent and mentioned some stuff to me. i hate having to ask people to get involved, but some times i need information that i cannot get on my own. anyway, the file i need is finally uploaded and i email her to thank her and mention that we will probably revise files tomorrow and would she be available to help (as i don't know her workload).

this was not the thing to send because she sent this heinous reply about how she would carry through her responsibilities. notice, that is not what i asked. i asked if she had time to work on it. so being a butthead, i go over there to clear the air. again, bad idea. i tried to talk with her and she just lit into me. gave me all this crap about the emails i sent first thing this morning and then the follow up. blah, blah, blah.

for once, instead of immediately apologizing and backing down and cowtowing, i gave it right back. i stood up for myself and threw it right back at her. hell, it's not my fault that she didn't do her job. and i'm not gonna apologize for that.

so, we're done. kaput. finished. we're both stubborn and head-strong. she's not going to back off from her position and neither am i. the hard part is that she sucks up to everyone and people love her because she's all sugery to them. and no one else, of course, has a problem with her. but me. so i look like the bad guy and the problem child. i hate that.

i am supposed to use her as a resource, but i am not going to do it because every time i let my guard down she burns me. and i know she thinks i'm an easy target because i've allowed her to use me as a whipping post previously. i'm just beyond that. i know, unfortunatley, this is going to cause me problems.

but the bottom line, as i see it, is that nobody puts baby (that's me) in a corner. nobody.