Scattered

is how i feel from a mental perspective. i feel like i can't concentrate like normal. it seemed like i mentally flitted in between projects today, not really accomplishing anything of consequence. it was weird. it's like i wanted to radar in on what to do, but just couldn't mentally will myself to make it happen.

plus, i'm tired of feeling like i get my period every two to three weeks. i used to go without a period for months at a time (no, not preggars) and loved not having it, i really did. at one point, i swear i thought i was going into a really early menopause as i never got my period, but it didn't bug me. i think it mostly had to do with the stress in my life, the up and down weight loss, and the different medications (antidepressents).

i feel like i just got done with a cycle and now it's back again. i just want it to go away. or maybe my uterus is just jettisoning months of liner. who knows? i'm gross, i get it.

at least i've been able to get some stuff done around the house--a couple loads of laundry, a load of dishes, cleaned out a bit of the fridge, stripped the bed, and put on fresh sheets. feels good to get small things done, as earlier in the week i just had no energy. i mean, i was home from work, but felt like i couldn't lift a muscle. it was like my body was in total drano mode.

and i haven't heard from my twin, despite sending her a few emails. it hurts. boy does it hurt. i thought by now she would like get over it and we would move on. but i was wrong. and it hurts.