What Happens When You Get What You Want

when i started at the company i work at, a year ago december, it was an interesting arrangement. technically i belonged to a certain division and department, but i was assigned to a specific division and group. which worked well, because i happen to really like the group i'm in. i mean, everyone in my group is super smart, talented, and considered the "go to" folks. which is a big deal when the president of the company and the division assign you projects. and not your every-day run-of-the-mill projects. nope. we're talking high-profile, big deal projects. so being in this group is, well, a big deal. and i am considered very lucky. and i am. i mean, i knew coming in how lucky i was, just by meeting with the people once in an interview.

okay, so the official department and division i'm in are okay. i had actually finally adjusted to being part of them, as i had been mentally fighting any association for the past year, as i tend to think, well, i know a lot more about what they actually do than they do. but i had finally kinda gotten used to the idea and given up hope of ever being officially part of the group in which i'm assigned.

so at 3:30p .m., my official supervisor (who i see maybe once a week) called me and said, "can you meet with me and x (her boss) at 4:00 p.m.? we want to discuss a new policy with you." now, seriously, what would you think. well, as usual, i thought it had to do with either my performance, or the rivalry/fight going on with the pb, as you can only hide your dislike for someone, so much. i mean i ignore her in meetings (not obviously, you mind)--i just never look her way and never speak to her unless i absolutely have to, which is like never thank goodness. maybe i mentioned i loathe her?

and after being scorched by my deceitful, backstabbing previous supervisor at the toxic waste dump, well it took awhile, okay a year, to get my paranoia under control, as usually when i see two people talking quietly or whispering, or behind closed doors (all the offices have windows), i tend to get super paranoid, that yes, it's about me. i know, i know--i'm horrifically narcissistic. seriously, i got that i have a problem. i just freak out. i can't help it. anyway, i had this paranoia licked until this afternoon and then it went bonkers. imagine opening pandora's box and a hive of wasps flying out. yup, that was my paranoia today.

alright, so i show up for the meeting and i'm sitting, at least for a minute, seemed like longer, with x, until my official supervisor and the other two people who do what i do--one i like (she's cool) and the horrific pb. who thankfully showed up late. anyway, x talked about how the job families have been re-arranged and how the costs are in these three tiers. and the bottom line is, we're being rolled out to our prospective divisions. which is what i wanted all along. but in the course of getting myself worked up, i must have had the look on my face like i was gonna hurl at any minute. because x and the daily supervisor kept looking at me like they thought i was going to pass out or need a barf bag.

i think if anything it was shock. shock because it's what i wanted since the day i started. shock because it makes the most sense for the work we do and the groups we work with every day, all year long. and shock because sometimes you actually get what you want.

now, if i can just win the lottery!