It's Hard

you can't control certain things--the weather, gas prices, hbo cancelling "deadwood", etc. other things you have direct control over--things like what you eat, the laundry detergent you buy (we're tide fans), where you vacation, who you knock boots with, etc.

then there are things we really want to control, but can't--what people think of us, how others behave, how much of a raise we'll get (wouldn't that be swell), etc. the hardest thing, a lot of days for me, is not allowing certain situations to bother me.

for example, i really do hate it that the cph treats me like a leper. and that oscar de la grouch barely tolerates me. and that my supervisor can't see all the good work i do. and that his right hand still doesn't trust me to do my job regardless of the strides i've made. it bugs me when oscar and the coworker that sits on the other side of my cube have whispered conversations that may or may not be about me.

but all of the above are things out of my control. and as difficult as it is for me not to care and not to allow it to effect me, that's what i have to do. unfortunately, for me, i'm one of those pathetic people that wants everyone to like them, even though that's not really possible.

so, i've learned to listen to my ipod as much as possible. i've learned that if people talk about me, even to my supervisor, there's nothing i can really do, except do my best every day. and that doesn't mean i go to work with a "fuck you" attitude every day, it really doesn't. nope, it means that i have to minimize the ammunition i give others to think less of me. kinda like that old army slogan, i need to be all i can be.

for someone who is super-sensitive and gets her feelings hurt over silly things, i feel like i'm going against my nature as i practice george constanza. but, that's what it takes. i just wish it wasn't so damn hard. i guess i'm lucky that i don't have to wear a puffy shirt, huh? (note: only "seinfeld" fans will get the reference, sorry!)