A Self Portrait . . . But For How Long?

so yes, i've been whining and complaining about getting nowhere in life of late. and that i feel like a turtle who is often afraid to stick her neck out. life seems easier tucked into my rock-solid shell. only the adorable one and maybe a few others know that i'm a giant mooshball on the inside. but a determined mooshball as i'm trying to take a more "the turtle wins the race" attitude, even if i don't always seem like it. especially in this blog.

but the winds of change are blowing and i might have to pick up the pace a bit. i know i've talked about how when i started in our group the other four had been together already for a few years and were tightly bonded. my supervisor (now the department director) and his three right hands doubled the size of our group within just a few years and along the way those trailblazers all got promotions. my manager became a director and the other three coworkers became managers, including my now supervisor.

today i learned that one of the horsemen is off to a new trail and his last day with us is next thursday. i'm in disbelief as i thought those four would be together, as silly as it sounds, until the end of time. i get that no one stays in jobs forever anymore. i've already had a gazillion jobs in the short 15 (yikes!) years since graduating from college, so rationally and logically i understand it.

emotionally i'm blown away. most selfishly as this potentially opens a door for me. it was one thing when our resident square peg took a position in a different group last month. our director opted not to fill the position and i've continued to plod along while being frustrated. but this is different. the horseman leaving next week has not one, but two product lines he supports and that regularly count on him.

so now our director has been painted into a corner and will post at least one position, but i'm hoping for two. because i already know of one person in another department that will apply and as she's been with the company for 30 freaking years they may just give it to her. no, she doesn't have an undergraduate or graduate degree. she hasn't worked on the type of projects that are essentially the understudy for the position like i have. but she was the front runner when they hired our square peg, who only got the job since the product line leader wanted him over the 30-year veteran.

regardless, if there is one, or two, or even three positions, the time for this little turtle is now. given the chance, i'm going for it balls to the walls. i will not be afraid or deterred or discouraged by others. and if i don't get a promotion, i will be massively bummed and depressed and wallow incessantly. but like the ever-resilient turtle, i'll stay the course.

because the finish line is out there somewhere. i just need to find it.