Sliding Doors

there was a great gwenyth paltrow movie in 1998 called "sliding doors," about a london woman whose love life and career, unknown to her, hinge on whether she catches as a train. the movie shows both realities--what happens if she catches the train and what happens when she doesn't, in parallel. i could go on further explaining the other details, but it's a great movie and if you can get it from your library (it's free!), you should.

i have been thinking about the movie quite a bit, more for its implications than anything else. for example, a lot of times we'll see two cars almost hit each each other, narrowly missing an accident. in those moments, i think that a few seconds made the difference--that's how precarious life can be. or, i often think how lucky it is that i ended up working at shitty, krappy, and worthless; otherwise, i never would have met the adorable one. and truthfully, i never want to imagine that scenario--but it could have been a reality. so, a lucky twist of fate changed my destiny and my life. interesting, but weird, yes?

and every time i watch the adorable one practice with his flag football team, i think what if? what if the adorable one had continued playing football in high school versus deciding that the alcoholic coach and the other jerkwads on his team weren't worth it? what might have happened if he was offered a scholarship by one of the smaller schools already scouting him? or, what if he had moved to seattle to take a job with boeing instead of settling in cowtown?

these are things, as irrevelant to my life, that i do think about. does that make me a nutcake? i sure hope not, but i do give these possible life paths consideration. it's been particularly top of mind as i watch the adorable one, with his golden throwing arm (not just saying this--he has a gift, he really does), play with great gusto. i can't help but think that had he been the quarterback of his small high school football team, that his life would have gone in a completely different direction, one whose path probably would have never crossed mine. had the idiots at his school realized what they had, well, even their football record could have been different.

i don't say these things as a biased wife. i say these things from watching him execute, play after play, throw after throw, at age 39, with consistency and accuracy of someone who has a gift. so, even though his life path is what it is, i can't help but wonder what would have happened. what could have happened if he played college ball? what if, by some chance, an nfl scout saw him play? what if he got to pursue what a lot of little boys dream of growing up to do?

if you're thinking, "why do you even waste your time on this stuff?", i don't have an answer for you. maybe i am just a contemplative person. i've always been one of those "what if?" thinkers. i can't help it--it just seems like that's how my brain is hardwired. and yes, i just used a techie term.

i love the adorable one. and that's probably pretty evident in this blog as i usually find a way to talk about how i feel about him, his latest and greatest accomplishment, and what a blessing he is in my life. i hope that for the folks that read this, understand that the reason i go on and on and on and on about him, is that i never thought, truly, in a million years, that i would end up with him. that i would wake up every day to him. that i would get to spend the rest of my life with him.

so whatever force of fate that intervened, whatever choices we both made, it brought us to this point. our life together. for which, i would not trade for anything in the world. i'm just damn grateful, in some essence, for sliding doors.