State Of The Union

i meant to write about all the crap, stress, and other junk that transpired last week. problem was, i was too whipped to do anything but curl up on the couch, whine endlessly to the adorable one, and lament the sad state of what used to be an enjoyable work experience.

everyone has a bad day, even a bad week, from time to time. i'm sure some folks go through bad months, because we did when i was unemployed a few years ago for eight months. that was hellish to be sure and i'm glad that experience is far behind us.

anyhoosa (as you can read, i easily digress--seriously, it's like i have writer's attention deficit disorder), last week was one of those perfect storms where the combination of the ever-annoying suzy q collided with the supreme aggravation and frustration that is performance appraisals.

i don't really get suzy. i just don't. the girl is 24. she lives at home with mommy and daddy (who took her, in her gray fur coat) to lunch (we happened to be at the same place--awkward!). i'm not even sure she owns a car--i think she may just drive one of her parent's cadillacs. she has the biggest, whopping engagement ring from her fiance that is in grad school. he must also come from the world of daddy warbucks.

she has all the would-be intelligent males in our group completely wrapped around her finger. for example, one of the most grouchy and least approachable guys on our team was actually overheard telling someone, "yay, she's as sharp as a tack." right. the rest of us are what? chopped liver? sure as hell feels like that. even my supervisor, who is off-the-chart bright is snowed by her.

worse thing is, suzy is hell bent on finding inconsistencies in anything we do. which would be okay, except that she takes it to an extreme--it's like she takes personal satisfaction in pointing out where others make mistakes. jeez sister, take some valium.

the thing is, it would be easier if i could just like her. but i don't. you know how you don't click with certain people, no matter what you do or say? she's just too over eager. i feel worse for my work twin, who even though was hired as the first choice when we were only looking to fill one position, is constantly having to fend off suzy and enforce that it's not suzy's job to boss her around. and if we have to hear one more time that she went to notre dame, me or the twin is gonna cause her bodily harm. enough already.

truthfully, the only thing saving me is my work twin, who as we spend more lunch time together, the more we find in common. not only do we have similar spouses, we both love cooking, photography, movies, etc. and even though she's a lot more mellow than me, our life philosophies are very similar. hence, the twin reference.

the weird piece of this equation is that i can actually see suzy q's perspective. here she is--brand spanking new to our company, fresh off leading teams at target (on the executive track, reportedly), and she's hired to do a job in which she has no applicable experience. the other two more seasoned staff, who are also considerably older (myself especially, as i'm 14 years her senior. lordy!), seem to be the best of friends and although not obviously, are quite aligned against her. and no matter how she tries to ingratiate herself, we hold her at arm's length. making matters considerably worse for me is that she is moving into the cube previously occupied by my supervisor (who is moving into the office that suzy has been inhabiting due to space constraints), which is right next to me. i can only pray that she is not constantly over in my cube bothering me as i know my patience has limits.

strangely, for a couple of days last week i thought someone had let the cat out of the bag and told her that i can't stand her. it was almost like being on vacation. sad, right? but true. anyway, then i had my performance appraisal, which from the year prior improved considerably. i mean, i seriously concentrated on improving how i handled interpersonal relationships, not reacting to certain situations, and all the other constructive critiques that i focused to correct.

and i had been told both by my supervisor and our department director (my previous supervisor) that they had received all kinds of positive feedback and that i had made major, major strides from last year. so i'm thinking that would have been reflected in my review. i expected to go from essentially being rated a "c" to an "a", and instead i was rated a "b." now, i get that this probably doesn't sound like a big deal. but it is. because i busted my ass to really prove that i can make positive changes.

and my department director, who provided the review since he was my supervisor for most of the year, mentioned that the rating that i was given is the one that 85% of our company received. there's like five percent that are in the lowest category and maybe 10% (my supervisor and director) that are in the top, shiny star level. and that there is a big difference between the rating from last year, which was like a "b-", and what i received this year, which was a "b." next year's review will probably be a "b+" because like promotions, there are no fast leaps at our company.

i think, also, with the addition of suzy q, it's a reminder that i've been doing the type of job since i got out of college close to 15 years ago. and that because i had to take this job as a serious step backward, it's taking a very long time to get to where i should be. make sense?

and nope, i'm not exactly the most patient person. so, i constantly feel like i'm far behind in my career track, like i'm a lowly peon, and that i'm never gonna get to where i want to be. all of that frustration, balled with suzy q, and the review, well i lost a lot of sleep and actually shed some tears (at the office, in front of my supervisor no less).

i'm sure you're waiting for the happy ending. well, because i had that heart-to-heart talk with my supervisor, he has a better understanding of where i was coming from and the importance of my moving forward in my career. and i recognized and accepted that my review was nothing to be ashamed of or upset about.

as for suzy? i can only hope that she trips herself up. big time. and that it's abundantly obvious she's not the second coming of christ like my supervisor thinks she is. otherwise, as co-leaders of the "not so chopped liver club" (a.k.a. nsclc), my twin and i are going to have to develop hardcore coping strategies.